Still sober on Day 4

I appreciate the comments (and the book suggestions) from R.J. and Caboose.

Bad cravings again today at my usual witching hour, the end of my work day. Went to an AA meeting and that helped a lot. It was a woman's meeting at my church and I've never gone, being very apprehensive that someone I know might see me going in. Kind of illogical, there should be no shame in getting help, but I can't help feeling that alcoholism is shameful and something to hide.

The meeting was okay; I enjoyed seeing some new faces. A lot of God talk and "how grateful for this program I am" stuff. I didn't share anything because I just don't get into that part of AA. I'm glad there are meetings to go to, but I'd just as soon not have to go to them to stay sober. If I could do it on my own, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I think I have a lot of ambivalence about quitting for good, but I'm afraid to wait any longer to firm up my resolve. I just have to believe that sobriety is better. I did have a few moments today of feeling well and that all was right with me. Like a glimmer of an awakening or something. I need to build on those.