Admitting my alcoholism

I haven't yet reached the point where I can refer to myself as an alcoholic outside of meetings or when talking to my husband.

Tonight, I had dinner with some very good, very old friends. Over the years, I have partied very hardy with these two and we have all seen each other pretty wasted. And I have very fond memories of Lynn and I sharing a bottle of wine or two over the course of an evening while our then boyfriends were working. Not being able to do that ever again tugs at me, even though for several years it's been two bottles just for me. I think they probably know I have issues with alcohol although not the extent of it.

In any event, I did not drink tonight and let them know that I haven't in two months. I couldn't bring myself to say alcoholism to them but I made several jokes touching on it. I did ask at the end of the evening whether they thought I was still fun. (They said yes, what else could they say?)

We did have a nice evening and no one had more than two drinks so I didn't have to feel left out or bored while eveyone else was getting a load on.

I admit however that socializing is easier for me when I drink. I need to be very careful about socializing these days.

Tomorrow I will collect my 6o day chip (although it will be 64 days).

Today I am grateful for:

63 hangover days

my father is improving every day

that I have friends in my life who have been my friends for 25 years

that I don't need to hire babysitters anymore when I go out

for the dimple in my 12 year old son's smile