Tuesday, September 12, 2006

A Hard Time

The past five days my 83 year old Dad has been in the Intensive Care Unit . He was admitted last week with chest pains and it turned out he had a "touch of pneumonia". However, he was doing pretty well according to my mother and brother and so I wasn't too worried. During his first night he took a turn for the worse. Apparently he was having a great deal of difficulty breathing and became quite agitated. They had to sedate him and put a breathing tube in. He's been on a ventilator since then. Worse, he has also suffered a major heart attack while he's been in the ICU. It's been awful. He is heavily sedated and full of needles and tubes and the upshot is my larger than life father looks like a small old man. A small dead old man.. when I first saw him he looked exactly like a corpse, that flattened look about the face. I, who don't handle ICUs well, lost it the minute I laid eyes on him....

He is a very sick man. His cardiologist, whom we talked to today, isn't offering any sugar coating...it is extremely serious. My father, according to the cardiologist, was a "house of cards" in terms of his cardiovascular system (he had a heart attack in his 50s and has high blood pressure and vascular disease, plus he's had several mini strokes--all this but he was as hale as anyone you ever met until last week.) The pneumonia was like pulling a card out and the house is falling. Even if he survives this, he will not be where he was. He will likely be an invalid for the rest of his life. It is so hard to see my father who was so strong and a real son of a bitch at times like this. Weak, frail. Near death. I'm not sure he would want to survive if it means he can't work in his beloved garden or walk his dog three times a day like he's always done.

I am upset, and stressed and feeling pretty lost. And I have really, really, really, really, REALLY wanted to drink the last few days. I have not given in to that impulse and I won't. Drinking will only prolong the grief that I feel right now.

Please say a prayer to your higher powers for my Dad.

9 Comments:

Blogger dAAve said...

I am saying a prayer that God is taking care of your Dad in His own way.

If I may offer a bit of recent experience ...
My 83 year-old Mom had a major stroke last October. She can't eat or speak ever again, but otherwise functions although she is now living in a comprehensive nursing home. She has lived a full life too.
For those first couple of months, I found great peace and serenity when I went to visit her daily by asking my HP to give me the strength to give her strength.
Guess what? It always ended up happening the other way. She gave me strength just by surviving. We talked about it often and we prayed together. I had no reason to drink and abandon her. Now is when your Dad needs you. Just be there for him.

8:06 AM  
Blogger R J Adams said...

Really sorry to hear that, Red-Head Gal. I hope he makes a full recovery. My father's 91 next week, and although still fitter than the proverbial fiddle, I know he can't go on forever. None of us do. I try not to think of the dreaded phone call that will eventually arrive (he still lives in Britain). If I prayed, you be in my prayers - but I don't, so you're in my thoughts.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

{{{Redhead Gal}}}
You are seeing first hand how strong you really can be ..you do not need that drink to cope.
Let the love and honor for your Father help you stand tall,take his hand and reassure him he is not alone during this time.
I have been on the ICU floor many of times myself during health crisis with loved one's.It is scary but nothing should shadow the moments you can still offer of love and support.I know it is very difficult and heart wrenching Red.
I am so pleased to read you know drinking would only make matters worse.Good for you..keep strong and true to yourself now Red.
Please keep us posted..we will all continue wish your Father a peaceful recovery and trust that your HP is right beside you all the way ...take gentle care.
Thanks for sharing~

1:01 PM  
Blogger JennaM said...

Sending you all my best wishes, RG. Whatever the outcome of your dad's predicament, you will be so glad to have really been there for him and for yourself, feeling and expressing your real emotions, however impossible they may feel.

3:10 PM  
Blogger JJ said...

My thoughts and prayers are with your Dad and your whole family Red.
I see you,
JJ

4:32 PM  
Blogger Pam Jarnagin said...

Oh, sweetie -- I'm so sorry this is happening. Your father and YOU are in my prayers, and in my thoughts. Try to put you father in God's hands, and trust him to do what's best for him. I'm so proud of you for showing this incredible strength and courage by not drinking during this difficult time. I know how hard that is. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us so that we can be there with you through our thoughts and prayers.
((((((hugs))))))

11:53 PM  
Blogger Trudging said...

Hang in there

4:44 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

You, your father and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers ~

12:03 PM  
Blogger Gooey Munster said...

HP,

May you look over DG's and her family at this time. Give them the strength needed to pull thru this time and help them to discover a power within as they live in and thru this experience.

Please help DG stay sober at this time and stay connected to those that have been thru similar obtacles.

Amen.

2:01 PM  

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