Funny thing about meetings

I went to a meeting tonight, kind of half-hearted about heading out and leaving my family after being at work all day. But I'm glad I went. I'm finding more and more that when I make myself go, I hear things that resonate with me at that meeting. Tonight, there were several very good speakers. One old gentlemen reminded me of a very courtly Fred Astaire type and he was very funny and good to hear.

Another speaker, a woman, spoke of how unavailable she was when she drank. And how drinking filled a need in her...she was full of insecurity, doubt, fear. Drinking made those feelings go away but they made her unavailable to her children. I think that was true for me. I have lost a lot of time with my kids. I was physically present but completely tuned out when I sat drinking my wine.

Both speakers spoke of hope, however, and how being in AA gave them that. I think I feel a little bit of that, and I guess it's why I go even when I don't really feel like it.

Today I am grateful for:

58 hangover free mornings (I'll pick up my 60 day chip this weekend at my regular meeting)

the absolutely glorious October we have been having her in New England

a great conversation with my 12 year old son this weekend about my alcohol issues

my cutie pie niece who turned one a couple of days ago

that I don't ever have to pick up a drink again