Sunday, September 23, 2007

cravings and such

Thirteen month later and I still get cravings to drink. Not as strong and as often but there are times when I am definitely entertaining the notion. It doesn't help that my husband thinks I could have a drink now and then. He's sure I won't go back to the way I used to be. The man still doesn't get this disease...

I have not been working my program as well as I could lately and that may be part of the problem. I am going to step up my meetings for a while and get back into reading the AA books I have. I have a few that I haven't even read yet.

Today I am grateful for:

Not being hungover on Sunday mornings anymore

Not blacking out on Saturday nights

That I was in my swimming pool today after my workout on SEPTEMBER 23! This is a record for me. The pool's not heated.

For the first season of 24 which I watched doing my treadmill work out. I loved it.

P.S. Tab, the chicken pot pie recipe is from Cook's Illustrated and I will try to find it on line for you. It will take me forever to type out as it was a three hour affair.


Blogger Kathy Lynne said...

Hey! I know my husband as supportive as he is doesn't quite get it. While he understands that I can't drink at all, he doesn't understand why I need help. That's a bit frustrating because I believe that down the road WE are going to need help.

4:41 AM  
Blogger AAwoken said...

Follow the 29 "Further on....." I have never seen a person fail who has followed the path

6:25 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

always good to boost the meeting level when we're feeling that urge.. hopefully this shall pass soon quickly for you!

8:18 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

... it works when you work it

9:17 PM  
Blogger MICKY said...

Is not the time coming, and the day hastening, when covetous men shall be ashamed of loving the world, and voluptuous men ashamed of loving their pleasures, and ambitious men ashamed of loving their honors?
For is it not a horrid shame, that a rational creature should be such a sot as to love sin which is most loathsome, and not to love Jesus who is most lovely? to love deformity, and not beauty?
Oh shame, shame! It is a shame that sin should have such esteem, and Jesus such great contempt put upon him. But shame shall before long confound these now shameless wretches, when they shall cry out, "We are ashamed that we loved profits, and not Jesus- houses, lands, lusts, and not Jesus.
This is the confusion of our faces, and shame covers us-- that we should be so foolish, and so blind, that we had not sense, nor reason, to distinguish between sin, which is the greatest and most odious evil, and Jesus who is the greatest and most lovely good." But the time will never come, the day will never be, that a gracious soul shall be ashamed of his sincere love to Jesus Christ.

1:15 AM  
Blogger MICKY said...

ordic says…
I happen to be jewish and not one person in any meetings I goto have ever tried to convert me to anything else.

Gretings Kordic
Your AA BRAINWASHING is happening unconsciously. As you listen to the DRONING STEPPERS, your brain is slowly being altered. The critical thinking section of your brain, shuts down, and your facial features start to change. You will eventually get that 12 Step LOOK – “shift shaping reptilian look’. When you walk into a 12 Step meeting you are inviting SATAN into your life, not JESUS CHRIST.
Peace Be With You

1:16 AM  
Blogger MICKY said...


Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk crap again,
An AA meeting softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the 12 Steps that were planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of sobriety.

In restless meetings I walked alone
Bill Wilson Clones, made of stone
Neath the halo of an OLD TIMER,
I turned my collar to the 1st and 3rd Step
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
That split the night
And touched the sound of sobriety.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand STEPPERS, maybe more.
STEPPERS reading the BIG BOOK,
STEPPERS hearing without listening,
STEPPERS writing their 4th STEP
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of sobriety.

Zombies said I, you do not know
Sobriety like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might BRAINWASH you,
Take my arms that I might 13th Step you.
But my words like the higher power fell,
And echoed
In the halls of sobriety

And the STEPPERS ranted and raved
To the AA god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, KEEP COMING BACK
And the 12 STEP ZOMBIES.
Whispered in the sounds of sobriety.
Peace Be With You

1:16 AM  
Blogger MICKY said...

The Six Things, to do every day.
* 1. Check in with your sponsor (ideally,) or another long time brain dead zombie. Or a very cool ‘Ritual Fiend’.
* 2. Phone an old-timer. Tell him/her that he/she is insane. THIS IS YOUR MOST POWERFUL DEFENCE AGAINST RECOVERING.
* 3. Hit your BIG BOOKS. Ask YOUR concept of ‘a power greater than yourself’ (It can be the power of SATAN as a hole, or the power that makes the STEPS turn) for a depressing day, and say IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT, at night. It HAS to be a CONTROLLING concept of a HP. (see Trad 2.) If it is even a little bit FREEING, it’s no good. Ask a policeman with whatever roadblocks you are experiencing at present,
* 4. Gratitude list. Work against your natural tendency to use the critical thinking section of your brain. Is your brain half empty or full of crap? Write down 6 things that make you cough, fart or feel glad to be a Bill WISON CLONE.
* 5. TRY to do one of the things on the just for today card. Think of it as a portable toilet. Carry your shit with you throughout the day. If you become positive, try applying any one of the orders on the card to your psychosis.
* 6. Use a page of the BIG BOOK, if you run out of toilet paper. Look out for newcomers to 13th STEP! Try to be a DOORMAT in some form or other while at the meeting. If you want to stare, sit at the front, so you can perv on the women. Start with saying I enjoyed perving on you and I want to make you a shape – shifting reptile – like myself.

1:18 AM  
Blogger MICKY said...

Rarely have we seen a person fail who thoroughly followed us home. Those who are not BRAINWASHED are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this garbage, usually men and women who are constitutionally capable of thinking for themselves. There are such fortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born premature. They are naturally capable of building and developing muscles, which demands rigorous training. Their chances are 6/4 on.
There are those, too, who are gravediggers and undertakers, but many of them do become ZOMBIES if they have the capacity to be dishonest. Our stories disclose in a twisted way, who we like, what happened, and who we hate now. If you have decided you want a cup of tea and are willing to go to any lengths to become emotionally shutdown, SHAPE SHIFTING REPTILES - then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked, we thought we could find someone to 13th Step. And we realised, we could. With all the madness at our command, we beg of you to become Bill Wilson Clones - from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our BIG BOOKS and the result was nil until we let go of our SPONSORS. Remember that we deal with alcohol, frothy, bubbly, and powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power that one is the BARMAN. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the bar. We asked the BARMAN for a couple of STIFF WHISKYS. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program to INSANITY:
1.We admitted we were powerless over Coca - Cola, and decided to drink Pepsi, instead.
2.Came to believe that Cold Power was a detergent.
3.Made a decision to turn our heads when we saw an attractive blonde.
4.Did a body search of the new members.
5.Admitted to our DOG, to elves, and to another super being the exact nature of our songs.
6.Were entirely ready to have SUPERMAN remove the effects of kryptonite.
7.Humbly asked CLARK KENT to remove our brains.
8.Made a list of all persons who owed us money, and became willing to charge them interest.
9.Made direct hits wherever possible, except when someone moved the target.
10.Continued to talk crap and when we were wrong, promptly talked more crap.
11.Sought through our mail and computer to improve our conscious contact with BATMAN, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of ROBIN and the return of SPIDERMAN.
12.Having had a stroke as the result of these steps, we tried to carry out the garbage, and fell flat on our backs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain their homes and 13th Step the newcomers, at the same time. We are not psychopaths. The point is, that we are willing to become psychotic. The principles we have set down are guides to psychosis. We claim that Bill Wilson was a psychopath.
Our description of the landscape, the chapter to the Gnostic, and our family photos before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were ugly and could not manage our own appearance.
(b) That probably no photographer could have improved our looks.
(c) That a PLASTIC SURGEON could and would if he were sought.
Peace Be With You

1:19 AM  
Anonymous sober Chick said...

I did this at 21 months of sobriety. I began to slip up on my step work, then my attendance for meetings began to decrease, then I entered a HELL that I am trying to get out of.

Don't follow my foot steps.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Dharmashanti said...

All any of us can do is to work our program the best we can. Some days are better than other days. Eventually the cravings tend to fade.

Just do what you can. Let God handle the rest.


6:59 PM  
Blogger nickycakes said...

I feel like your blog would be a valuable resource for other people in recovery at my recovery blog list. Please take a moment and sign up if you would like to take part @

Also I've designed a cool sobriety time counter that you can add to your blog here:

Thanks and have a great day!

1:58 PM  
Blogger recoveryroad said...

Just stopping by to say hi and I hope you're okay.

Mickey may speak to Jesus but he has no fucking social skills here on earth. Rude. Ignorant and a fool. Ignore him.

1:47 PM  
Blogger johno said...

Hiya, hows it going dude? stoip by my blog for a cuppa AA tea and a chat!!

Isolation is the darkroom where we develop our negatives, give your sponsor or another well AA a call, theyre usually good at spotting whats missing! meetings, fellowship, steps, Praying and helping others, will soon have you back on track :)

Hope you arent STILL swimming outdoors?

5:25 PM  

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