Sunday, November 25, 2007

Step One

I've been a member of the AA program since I got sober, but have never done the steps. I really want to do them, and now that my sponsor has decided to start a women's step meeting in her home, I jumped at the chance. We are reading 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, a book which I've owned for a while but never read.

Step One is admitting I am powerless over alcohol and the my life had become unmanageable. This has been a bit of a stumbling block for me. I am a high bottom drunk. I never really had the jackpots other people had. And without them, the thought that maybe I could drink again likes to make its way into my brain space on occasion.

So it's good to focus tonight on the ways my life had become unmanageable due to alcohol and how I was powerless over it:

Waking up every day feeling like shit, bloated and hungover.

Swearing that I would not pick up a drink that day, and really meaning it, only to find myself at the package store picking up wine that evening.

Being depressed, stuck, irritable, angry, incapable of any emotion but negative ones.

Shutting my kids out emotionally, as well as my husband.

Drinking more than I intended to every single time I picked up a drink. Hating it when I had to drink more slowly in case others noticed. Impatiently waiting for the server to come back and give me a refill when I was out at a restaurant. Stocking up on lots of wine, in case I had to share with company.

Drinking before the party and afterwards to make up for the moderation I had to endure while AT the party

Blackouts--driving my kids home in a blackout one night. Especially when I prided myself on the one thing that I never did at least was drive drunk.

Sneaking vodka into my cranberry juice when the one bottle of wine I had promised myself I would limit myself to ran out before I got the buzz I needed.

Ignoring the pain in my right side for four years because I was afraid it might mean I had physically damaged myself by my drinking. And continuing to drink all those years.

I am so grateful today that I am sober.

I do not want to go back out to prove that I am an alcoholic and to make my life any more unmanageable than it was. I was lucky to get off the elevator before the DUIs, the jackpots, the losses that I could have had if I had continued on the path I was on.


Blogger dAAve said...

You should find that making the steps an integral part of your dialy life will improve your life immensely.

8:51 PM  
Anonymous sober Chick said...

The 12 x 12 is a great way to begin seeking the steps. I did not loose many things during my run, however I did reach the darkest spiritual state of hopelessness, my bottom, that was killing me. See if I continued to drink the way I was I may not have lost anything (house, lover, job, etc) but my life was being lost. I was killing myself.

Step one is HUGE! I did a thorough step one in treatment then went on to 2 and 3. I will begin step work with my sponsor. I am told to get a new Big Book (mine is written and high lighted) so she can take me through it.

Give yourself the gift of doing the steps. Just try it. I am new to this work. I did not get it before but promised myself to take the suggestions of others who have paved the path.

Oh yah and it will be so rewarding to be a part of a new group and to see it grow. That is a gift in itself.

Great post. Love your honesty and your desire to seek more for your recovery.

11:40 PM  
Blogger MICKY said...

MICKY said...

LOVE IS.....
telling your SPONSOR go FUCK himself!!
Occult Guidance:
Members of the Oxford Group practiced what they called guidance by praying and then quieting their minds in order to hear from God. Then they would write down whatever came to them.4 Examples of such "guidance" are in the book God Calling, edited by A. J. Russell of the Oxford Group.5 The book was written anonymously by two women who thought they were hearing from God, but who passively received messages in the same way spiritists obtain guidance from demons.
Members of the Oxford Group primarily found their guidance from within rather than from a creed or the Bible. Buchman, for instance, was known to spend "an hour or more in complete silence of soul and body while he gets guidance for that day."6
The Voice Divine
One of the "Two Listeners"
In the Autumn of 1932, I was sitting in the lounge of an hotel when a visitor, quite unknown, crossed over and, handing me a copy of For Sinners Only, asked if I had read it. I answered "No," and she left it with me.

On returning home, I bought a copy for myself.

I was curiously affected by the book and felt that I wanted all my friends to read it immediately, and actually made out a list of over a hundred people to whom I should have liked to have sent it. Not being rich, this desire had to be content with two copies, which I lent to various people, on whom it seemed to make little effect.

A few months later I read it again. It was then that there came a persistent desire to try to see whether I could get guidance such as A. J. Russell reported, through sharing a quiet time with the friend with whom I was then living. She was a deeply spiritual woman with unwavering faith in the goodness of God and a devout believer in prayer, although her life had not been an easy one.

I was rather skeptical, but, as she agreed, we sat down, pencils and paper in hand and waiting. This was in December 1932.

My results were entirely negative. Portions of texts came and went, then my mind wandered to ordinary topics. I brought it back again and again, but with no success. To this day, I cannot get guidance in this way alone.

But with my friend a very wonderful thing happened. From the first, beautiful messages were given to her by our Lord Himself, and every day from then these messages have never failed us.

We felt all unworthy and overwhelmed by the wonder of it, and could hardly realize that we were being taught, trained and encouraged day by day by HIM personally, when millions of souls, far worthier, had to be content with guidance from the Bible, sermons, their Churches, books and other sources.

Certainly we were not in any way psychic or advanced in spiritual growth, but just very ordinary human beings, who had had more suffering and worry than the majority and who had known tragedy after tragedy.

The tender understanding of some of Our Lord's messages was at times almost heart-breaking; but His loving reproofs would leave no hurt.

Always, and this daily, He insisted that we should be channels of Love, Joy and Laughter in His broken world. This was the Man of Sorrows in a new aspect.

We, or rather I, found this command very difficult to obey, although to others it might have been simple. To laugh, to cheer others, to be always joyful when days were pain-racked, nights tortured by chronic insomnia, when poverty and almost insupportable worry were our daily portions, when prayer went unanswered and God's face was veiled and fresh calamities came upon us?

Still came this insistent command to love and laugh and be joy-bringers to the lives we contacted.

Disheartened, one of us would gladly have ceased the struggle and passed on to another and happier life.

But He encouraged us daily, saying that He would not break the instruments that He intended to use, that He would not leave the metal in the crucible longer than was necessary for the burning away of the dross. Continually He exhorted us not to lose heart, an spoke of the joy that the future held for us.

Totally unexpected interpretations of His own words were given.

An adverse verdict on seeing visions of Himself, which we had hitherto thought granted only to the saintliest and, most strongly stressed of all, the immense power given to two souls praying together in close union and at one in their desire to love and serve Him. As others have proved, "such a union may, in God's hands, accomplish such great things that there certainly will be inimical forces whose purpose it is to mar the friendship." And so we found it.

Some of the messages are of surprising beauty. The majestic language of December 2nd, the inevitability of suffering in the Christian Life of November 23rd, and the explanation of the practical working of the Law of Supply of December 5th are examples of this.

Others may appear disjointed. This is because personal references and repetition have had to be deleted.

So to us this book, which we believe has been guided by our Lord Himself, is no ordinary book.

It is published, after much prayer, to prove that a living Christ speaks today, plans and guides the humblest, that no detail is too insignificant for His attention, that He reveals Himself now as ever as a Humble Servant and Majestic Creator.


MICKY said...

Dear Jlordaa,
12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with this evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was saved through the power of Jesus Christ.

He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight.

I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has destroyed their BRAIN STRUCTURE & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda.

I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one never recovers'. I beg you, Jlordaa, to get out before it is too late.

How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.

Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him."

While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given. Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God."

He further explains: Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands.

Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him. Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [BEDPAN].

Can you see what is happening to you, Jlordaa? Ask Jesus to take control of your life, read the Bible & instead of 12 Step groups, go to Church. BURN your BIG BOOK or use it as TOILET PAPER. Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation.


MICKY said...

Dearest Jlordaa,
You know, the message the 12 Step Paradigm tells us that we are all just powerless over our addictions, meaningless specks of offal in an endless ocean of space and matter where hydrogen atoms and bacteria of unexplained origin can turn into god as you understand him!!

Oooo! It’s so exciting and uplifting to be regularly assured by Steppers in all their ineffable knowledge and function is just an accumulation of 1st Century Christianity Buchmanism & Nihilism.

Oooo! It’s heart-warming, I’ll tell ya. We owe these "messengers" so terribly much that it is difficult to put into words... We can talk to dead people & consult spiritists.
9 When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. 10 Let no one be found among you who sacrifice his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, 11 or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. 12 Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD, and because of these detestable practices the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you. 13 You must be blameless before the LORD your God [Deuteronomy 18: 9-13].

Bill Wilson was a “detestable necromancer” who talked to dead people & consulted spiritists. He was “an angel of light” and if you, Jlordaa, want what he had, keep going to 12 Step meetings & end up as an emotionally shutdown, shape - shifting, demonic, raging, Bill Wilson zombie.

I beg you, Jlordaa, to see the True Light [John 3: 16] & have Eternal Life, not death [AA]. I love you, Jlordaa! Do you love me?
Were you sexually abused as a child, Jlordaa?


MICKY said...

Greetings Jlordaa,

12 STEPPERS have sold their souls to the devil. Fortunately, I was saved through the power of Jesus Christ, but for many years had been exposed to the evil “satanic cult” (Alcoholics Anonymous) Wilson (AA) has prostituted himself & deluded millions (12 Step Groups) by worshipping the god Moloch (Ba’al the Sacred Bull). It all started with his (Wilson) “drug induced hallucination”….

Here are references to seances and other psychic events….
Wilson would…”get” these things …long sentences, word by word would come through….” (22)
, he asked for guidance….The words began tumbling out with astonishing speed….(23)

So A.A.’s 12 Steps were actually received verbatim from the demonic world. It is not surprising, then, that the effect of A.A. upon many of its members is to lead them into occult involvement. In 1958, Wilson wrote to Sam Shoemaker,
Throughout A.A., we find a large amount of psychic phenomena, nearly all of it spontaneous. Alcoholic after alcoholic tells me of such experiences… run nearly the full gamut of everything we see in the books.

In addition to my original mystical experience, I’ve had a lot of such phenomenalism myself.(24)
Wilson’s “original mystical experience” was his alleged “conversion” –a classic occult encounter: “Suddenly the room lit up with a great white light. I was caught up into an ecstasy…it burst upon me that I was a free man…a wonderful feeling of Presence, and I thought to myself, ‘So this is the God of the preachers! ‘ A great peace stole over me….”(25)

This was not the “God of the preachers” but the one who transforms himself “into an angel of light” (2 Cor 1l:l4)-a light that often transforms those involved in the occult.

The experience was so profound that Wilson never touched alcohol again.
Satan would he more than willing to deliver a man from alcoholism in this life if thereby he could ensnare him for eternity and inspire him to lead millions to the same destruction!

Wilson joined the Oxford Group and regularly attended its meetings at Calvary Church (NY), pastored by Episcopalian Sam Shoemaker. Shoemaker urged his hearers to “accept God however they might conceive of him….”(26) Here was the origin of Step 3’s “God as we understood him.”

God does not respond to those who call upon false gods. Jesus said, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (Jn 17:3). God’s judgment comes upon them “that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Thes 1:8).

I will set my face against that man & his family & will cut off from their people both him & all who follow him in prostituting themselves to Molech. I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums & spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, & I will cut him off from his people. (Leviticus 20: 5, 6.

Moloch the God Ba’al, the Sacred Bull, was widely worshipped in the ancient Near East and wherever Carthaginian culture extended. Baal Moloch was conceived under the form of a calf or an ox or depicted as a man with the head of a bull.

Hadad, Baal or simply the King identified the god within his cult. The name Moloch is not the name he was known by among his worshippers, but a Hebrew Moloch (in the Septuagint Greek translation of the Old Testament), or Molech (Hebrew), is no different than the word Melech or king, transformed by interposing the vowels of bosheth or ’shameful thing’. translation.

He is sometimes also called Milcom in the Old Testament.

I beg you, Jlordaa, to to get out while you can (AA) or end up as
an emotionally shutdown, raging, demonic, shape - shifting, “bull headed”, Bill Wilson zombie? I love you, Jlordaa! Do you love me?


MICKY said...

Hi Jlordaa,

AA is a cancerous growth in our society. I'm a SINNER, who has been sober for over 22 years. I've seen this "cult" virtually destroy people where they become these Bill & Bob zombies devoid of any emotion.

I imagine most of the Steppers are not dealing with their core issues and become addicted to the "droning Bill & Bob heads" who pop up and expel meaningless diatribe from their mouths.

Alcoholism is the only "disease" one doesn't recover from & one is continually confessing ones non - existent sins, which intensify the guilt and fear when one is not at a meeting (indoctrination session).

AA meetings numb and shutdown the critical thinking section of ones brain. I know a guy who has been sober for over 30 years and I imagine him to be quite mad - he doesn't even know what he's feeling most of the time apart from feeling depressed.

I imagine AA to be the road to HELL and that it's anti - Christ. Steppers sell their souls to the "cult", because they are too terrified to face their “demons” & recover their true selves. That "inner child" who is waiting to be freed is slowly pushed down until it disappears into oblivion.

That "child" is God! "Unless you become like little children...." "The KINGDOM OF GOD is within you!" I hear things like; "I need to do the Steps!" "I need more meetings!" "I had cancer or my wife died or I lost my job!" "But! Guess what! I didn't pick up a drink".

They might as well say; "I fell of my chair but I didn’t pick up a drink”! "Meaningless”! Why? Because one is not expressing ones feelings! Ones process is all about feelings!

How does one recover if one doesn’t feel ones pain, fear, & shame & understand that these feelings, especially if they are overwhelming; are feelings, from ones childhood.

All AA does is suppress these feelings until one ends up a semi - depressed zombie like the lunatic who has been sober for over 30 years. Can you see how dangerous this "cult" is, Jlordaa?

A madman, Bill Wilson, started it and if you want to end up like him, Jlordaa, keep going to meetings. The sure way to insanity is "Meetings!" "Meetings!" "Meetings!"


MICKY said...

Greetings Jlordaa,

Filed under: Rants — spedman @ Jun 22nd, 2007
When you think about Alcoholics Anonymous you think of a group that helps those with an addiction break the habit and become sober. You think of a program that betters someone with an addiction to alcohol.

What you do not think is cult. The truth is alcoholics anonymous is simply a cult, one of the longest lasting ones at that. Throughout this paper I will prove to you just that.

Alcoholics Anonymous was created by two alcoholics by the names of William Wilson and Dr. Bob in 1935. They wrote books on the subject and gathered at arranged meetings every week to talk about there addiction. The program grew from there and they recruited many people with the enticing opportunity of becoming sober once again. The problem is the program is so flawed and non-effective it is almost impossible to become sober using its set rules and guidelines.

Alcoholics Anonymous still uses these books as there doctrine today, even though they have proven not effective. How can a program be created around guidelines written by two men who continually fell back into alcoholism? I see no way it can possibly work. Aside from its ineffectiveness, Alcoholics Anonymous runs solely on intimidation, false hopes, and the forced belief in god. Regardless of what Alcoholics denies it is very evident they promote religion.

As stated above Alcoholics Anonymous denies that they promote religion, yet constantly they say that its members must find god. It seems to me that that is promotion of religion. Federal courts even deemed Alcoholics Anonymous “unequivocally religious.” Through out AA’s history you can find thousands of remarks dealing with religion and even the sole belief that the only thing that matters is the AA program. Everything else must come second to AA. Here are a few things commonly stated at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings; “Alcoholics must turn to god.”, “Choosing to go to AA is choosing to find god.”, “Submission of the individual to the will of god is necessary.”, “Surrender your will to a greater will.”, “If you can not manage yourself turn to god.” If you can not see that those statements are in every way religious I don’t know what will.

Aside from those statements the two founders often say that the member must rely on the program and the program alone. If you read through there books you will be amazed at some of the things they say, often putting the program above family and other aspects of life. I was truly amazed at this quote from William Wilson; “I decided I must place AA above everything else, even my family, because if I did not maintain sobriety I would lose them anyway.” A man placed the AA program above his family, regardless of the reason that is a very strong sense of commitment. Many AA members read those very same words. If a founder gave up his family, would not a member do the same?
“But there is one who has all power—the one is god! May you find him now.” Simply put, AA is religious.

Alcoholics Anonymous as a group does many of the same things dangerous cults like the Manson family or Jones town did. But first we will talk about the founders of AA. Bill Wilson has become idolized. Much like the way everyone in the Manson family did whatever Charlie said without question. His home has become a shrine, and his belongings have become highly sought after items by the 12 step community. Some members even believe that he could possibly have been the reincarnation of Christ. The core members, although they deny having any leaders in AA, are often referred to as “trusted servants.” This label tags these members, the trusted servants, with a great amount of moral authority because the regular AA members believe that these members are representing AA’s history back to Bill W. and even to the Loving God AA obediently serves. Clearly this is cult like behavior!

Let’s talk about the effectiveness of the program. The twelve step program is NOT effective. If it were not for one leaked document there would not be much proof of to aide these remarks. Alcoholics Anonymous never releases any sort of documentation on the success of rehabilitating alcoholics. So naturally they can say they are the greatest in the world or that they have a 100% success rate. But, in 1989 an internal document was released, and on this document was statistics. It showed that 81% of AA members leave after one month, 90% of AA members leave after three months, 93% of AA members leave after six months, and 95% of AA members leave before twelve months. Alcoholics Anonymous has a success rate of 5%! It gets better. A percentage as small as 5% is considered to be spontaneous. This means that those 5% would have recovered without Alcoholics Anonymous. Let me break it down one more time just to make sure you get it. Success rate with AA: 5%, success rate without AA: 5%.

A side note, Hospitals gave alcoholics LSD, a hallucinogen type drug, to break down alcohol cravings. This abnormal treatment had a 15% success rate, theoretically proving that LSD is three times more effective at recovering alcoholics then Alcoholics
Anonymous. A former Alcoholics Anonymous spokes person said; “A majority of AA members slip after one month. Others stay dry up to six months but eventually slip before the twelfth month.” Coming from a former spokesperson I think maybe people should take that into consideration. Another quote fro ma spokesperson; “95% of newcomers do not ever attend a second meeting.” How great can your policy be if you can not even entice people to come more then once? The 5% of people who join AA would quit on there own. No need for the middle man.

Despite this alarming failure rate, Alcoholics Anonymous claims to be the only path to salvation. Alcoholics Anonymous tells its members that they must accept it’s doctrine despite its discrepancies. The twelve step program provides no methods of quitting, simply to just quit drinking. How many people do you know that can simply quit an addiction? One would think that they would revise there methods to get better results. Instead AA just says their program requires an unquestioning belief in obedience. When the program doesn’t work they just blame the person for failing, it is never AA’s fault.

The original founders tended to classify alcoholism as a “sin disease”. This is not possible. For one the philosophy of a “sin disease” is not possible in a free society. This is not a country run on religion. Therefore again proving AA to be religious. By slapping the idea of alcoholism being a sin on it’s members it again gains the upper hand and has the ability to control its members by saying anything they want as long as it’s in the name of god. As soon as you go to AA it is very hard to get away. Remember, it is a cult. AA is very possessive. They go to great lengths to bring you back. There are documentations of intimidation tactics being used, continuous phone calls, members often telling you that you will be damned if you do not return. They take growing there ranks very seriously.

Let’s break AA down. Alcoholics Anonymous is a highly religious group that thrives on the writings of it’s founders and put all of there belief in the writings and the twelve step program. Regardless of if it actually works. The members put the core members and the program above anything else in there lives. If it were necessary for AA to have the deed of their house they would give it to them. They do not second guess anything AA tells them to do, remember it is “gods will.”

If a member becomes an alcoholic again, it is in no way the programs fault. The program always works as long as the member has total dedication and full belief in the power of “god.”

Friends, if Alcoholics Anonymous is not a cult I don’t know what is. If you can not see this by reading this paper then by all means go to any of the sources on my work cited paper.

They have plenty of links and valid information based on Harvard studies and trustworthy sources. You can make your own decision, but it is very evident: Alcoholics Anonymous is unquestionably a cult.


MICKY said...

Kathy Lynne Said:
Your rant above is just that, a rant and appears to me to contain mostly if not all, misinformation. You simply do not know what you are talking about and at that I will leave you to it

Micky Said:
Greetings Kathy
I felt some pain when I read your comments. I imagine you were RAGING over your fear, pain and shame. I get a sense that you have a conscious fear of intimacy and an unconscious fear of abandonment.

Your process is not about me, bui unresolved issues from your childhood. I am pleased that you are not drinking; at least your process gives you a chance to RECOVER, “LITTLE KATHY LYNNE”, who I imagine you abandoned quite a long time ago.

I imagine AA is keeping you shut down emotionally – very much like your childhood. The only way you will RECOVER is for you to process your TERROR!! You are obviously a frightened LITTLE GIRL, who wants her MOMMY [AA].

I love [agape] you Kathy Lynne, and you will be in my prayers! Do you believe that JESUS CHRIST, died on a cross for yours sins, Kathy? How do you feel, Kathy?


MICKY said...

Danny Schwarzhoff said...
What exactly IS your experience with the Twelve Steps"

Micky Said:
Dear Danny
I don't attend AA meetings anymore -- thank God. I imagine leaving AA becomes more difficult the longer one has been exposed to this evil, soul-destroying cult.

I read with some sadness of a Stepper who wanted to leave but found it difficult because AA was his whole life. One becomes trapped & I imagine most Steppers feel safe albeit quite isolated from the real world.

I imagine most Steppers don't have the guts to quit (AA) because of the indoctrination ("If you quit AA -- You will drink").

My process (recovery) started in 1994 (therapy, etc) but it took me many years to make a complete break from all 12 Step programs (I was also going to SLAA, CODA, ACOA).

I imagine most alcoholics are terrified of intimacy (emotional cowards) & attending 12 Step programs is the ultimate escape (from intimacy).

I would suggest that quite a few of the Steppers are "pussies" because they won’t face life "full on" without the "crutch" of 12 Step programs.


MICKY said...

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline;

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you are an alcoholic, please press 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.


MICKY said...

A STEPPER goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm Bill Wilson; then I'm Bob Smith; then I'm Bob Smith; then I'm Bill Wilson. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're BILL and BOB CLONE." [wink] [wink].

Are you a Bill & Bob Clone, Jlordaa? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!


MICKY said...

My Dear Jlordaa,

Bill W. : The absorbing and deeply moving life story of Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous
1-8 of 8 pages with reference to Bill W’s Higher Power inside this book:
on Page 152:
“… BILL W. something more conservative to balance his holdings, he had hit … and, more perhaps than anything, gave him the sense of power he had always craved. Late in the summer he grew … they told him, everything was high, but it was going higher. American Tel and Tel was over 310, General Electric 403. It was a time to have confidence . It was …”
on Page 189:
“… BILL W. tried praying, and keeping an open mind about it … … using the word “God” again, Ebby began speaking of “another power,” a “higher power.” And as he did, Bill was no longer pretending to listen; his full attention had been won. It was …”
on Page 202:
“… BILL W. rightness. No matter how wrong things seemed to be, they … a part of God, himself a living part of the higher power, was a new and revolutionary feeling. And it was a feeling that he wanted to hang on to now, to …”
on Page 230:
“… BILL W. over, he would find himself startled into a smile. There … All he wanted was to feel himself part of the higher power he knew was running the universe. He was also convinced that alcoholism was a three-pronged illness , mental, physical and …”
on Page 240:
“… BILL W. more than a game they were playing, more than a … pragmatists. They might have been instruments, channels through which a higher power had started to work, but for them that afternoon, it was only a start. Forty was a startling figure, but …”
on Page 294:
“… BILL W. But the non-alcoholics remained skeptical. To the psychiatrically oriented, all … inner voice, but in talking with others he would say higher power, life force or any words the listener might be comfortable with. But by whatever name they cared to use, it …”
on Page 298:
“… BILL W. But as with the mysterious ingredient that he knew was … the verge of grasping a message or moving into some higher state of consciousness , he had never talked about it; … years he went on following, trying to understand, a mysterious power he sensed was there, a part of his concept of anonymity. Though he could not quite comprehend its meaning, he …”
on Page 324:
“… BILL W. what has been his fate. Our conversation which he has … when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding. You might be led to that goal by an … action from above and isolated in society, cannot resist the power of evil, which is called very aptly the Devil. But the use of such words arouses so many mistakes that …”
1-1 of 1 page with references to Jesus Christ inside this book:
1. on Page 193:
“… some-for the old, the hopeless, for those who had passed beyond loving, beyond any hope of really living, but, by Christ, he was different. It might be the last arrogant gasp of alcoholic pride but, miserable and terrified as he was, …”


MICKY said...


Rarely have we seen a person fail who thoroughly followed us home. Those who are not BRAINWASHED are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this garbage, usually men and women who are constitutionally capable of thinking for themselves.

There are such fortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born premature. They are naturally capable of building and developing muscles, which demands rigorous training. Their chances are 6/4 on.

There are those, too, who are gravediggers and undertakers, but many of them do become ZOMBIES if they have the capacity to be dishonest.

Our stories disclose in a twisted way, who we like, what happened, and who we hate now. If you have decided you want a cup of tea and are willing to go to any lengths to become emotionally shutdown, SHAPE SHIFTING REPTILES - then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked, we thought we could find someone to 13th Step. And we realised, we could. With all the madness at our command, we beg of you to become Bill Wilson Clones - from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our BIG BOOKS and the result was nil until we let go of our SPONSORS.

Remember that we deal with alcohol, frothy, bubbly, and powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power that one is the BARMAN. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the bar. We asked the BARMAN for a couple of stiff whiskies. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program to INSANITY:

1.We admitted we were powerless over Coca - Cola, and decided to drink Pepsi, instead.
2.Came to believe that Cold Power was a detergent.
3.Made a decision to turn our heads when we saw an attractive blond.
4.Did a body search of the new members.
5.Admitted to our DOG, to elves, and to another super being the exact nature of our songs.
6.Were entirely ready to have SUPERMAN remove the effects of kryptonite.
7.Humbly asked CLARK KENT to remove our brains.
8.Made a list of all persons who owed us money, and became willing to charge them interest.
9.Made direct hits wherever possible, except when someone moved the target.
10.Continued to talk crap and when we were wrong, promptly talked more crap.
11.Sought through our mail and computer to improve our conscious contact with BATMAN, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of ROBIN and the return of SPIDERMAN.
12.Having had a stroke as the result of these steps, we tried to carry out the garbage, and fell flat on our backs.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain their homes and 13th Step the newcomers, at the same time. We are not psychopaths. The point is, that we are willing to become psychotic.

The principles we have set down are guides to psychosis. We claim that Bill Wilson was a psychopath.

Our description of the landscape, the chapter to the Gnostic, and our family photos before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were ugly and could not manage our own appearance.
(b) That probably no photographer could have improved our looks.
(c) That a PLASTIC SURGEON could and would if he were sought.


MICKY said...


Oh, Bill Wilson
My darling
I've hungered for your Big Book
A long, lonely time
And AA goes by so slowly
And AA can do nothing much
Are you still insane?

I need your cult
I need your cult
Bill! speed your cult to me

Lonely Steppers flow
To the abyss, to the abyss
To the open arms of the abyss
Lonely Steppers sigh
Wait for me, wait for me
I'll be a Wilson clone
Wait for me

Oh, Bob Smith
My darling
I've hungered, hungered, for the Steps
A long, lonely time
And “how it works” is rarely
Seen as anything but crap
Are you still on wine?

I need you Doc!
I need your Doc!
Bob! “speed” your 'BILL' to me!!

MICKY said...

My Dear Sad Disillusioned Jlorda,

Mr. Bill Wilson, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) and creator of the twelve step program.

Mr. Wilson was heavily influenced by demons. Chapter sixteen (p. 275f) of 'Pass It On' The Story of Bill Wilson and how the A.A. message reached the world records.

Mr. Wilson's use of the ouija board, participation in seances, psychic events, "spook sessions", table levitation, and how he would receive "messages" from "discarnate" spirits.

Bill Wilson was clearly in contact with demons, and this is the man who created the deceptive twelve step program.

Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. (step #11. Emphasis added.) The last part of this statement ("as we understood Him") is enough to damn your soul! God says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5).

This is the exact opposite of "God as we understood Him." All men, according to Romans 1:18-32, are condemned before God, because they rely upon their own understanding (Romans 1:21;

Ephesians 4:18, "having their understanding darkened"), and they create (in their own darkened minds) a god of their own making (Romans 1:23).

To encourage people to turn their "lives over to the care of God as we understood Him", is to encourage people to "turn their lives over to a god of their own making" (i.e. according to their own understanding).

This promotes nothing more than spiritual death (Revelation 22:15). In addition, these twelve steps are a deceitful attack against the saving work of the Lord Jesus Christ (i.e. they are against Christ, antichrist, 2 John 7; Colossians 2:8-10).

Do you LOVE, me, Jlordaa?


MICKY said...

Jody K Shares
Commonly known out here in cyberspace as "Sugah," origins mostly by now forgotten, my name is Jody K. I have been on this journey for a modest stack of 1,725 twenty-four hour days, impressive when I look at it until I remember what a small number that is compared to the ones spent under the thumb of King Alcohol (and the various members of his loyal court).

So, that being said, I am still very new at all this, still discovering things, small truths and doing my best to apply them to my life.

Micky Said:
Dear Sugah
I beg you, to get out of AA, before it destroys you. The only way to SALVATION, is through the saving Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. These other 12 Step BLOGGERS (DEMONS) - soberchick, shadow, pam and shadow, are emotionally shutdown, terrified little children, who don't want to face the truth about themselves.

You have the courage - through the power of the HOLY SPIRIT, to TRANSFORRM yourself and become a witness for Christ, not SATAN (AA).
I will be praying for you Jody!


MICKY said...

Shadow said...
a round of applause to you for your comments to micky. but i don't think he gets it.... he's been around everywhere and is like an annoying child who just won't go away. hasn't he heard of live and let live????? thanks for speaking up in your post too.

Micky Said:
Greetings Shadow
I still don’t know what your feeling, “young lady!” I imagine you are completely insane, can you see what the “cult” has done to your brain - completely altered it. You obviously don’t know how to be intimate. I feel some sadness; it probably isn’t your fault.
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. [1 Peter 5: 8).

I imagine Satan is starting to devour you, SHADOW? John 3: 16 will save you You will then be just a "Shadow" of your old self?


MICKY said...

Inmatez Wife Said:

Micky Said:
Dear Inmatez Wife,
I felt some pain when I read your comments. I imagine you were RAGING over your fear, pain and shame.You have a conscious fear of intimacy and an unconscious fear of abandonment.

The only way you will be SAVED is for you to go back to the CHAMBER OF HORRORS (your childhood) and recover your INNER CHILD, who you abandoned quite a while ago.

You are a TERRIFIED "Little Child", who wants her MOMMY (AA). I suggest you get down on your knees and ask Jesus Christ to forgive you for the above DIATRIBE (sin).

I love you! Do you love me? Are you a PSYCHOPATH? Are you in HELL?


MICKY said...

Sugah Said:
I, too, will pray for you, that you may be relieved of your compulsion to impose your will on other people. I believe you are the one in need of peace, my friend.

Micky Said:
Dear Sugah
I felt some pain reading your comments. I imagine you were RAGING over your fear, pain and shame. I imagine you are a RAGEAHOLIC, CONTROL FREAK and AVOIDER.

You have a conscious fear of intimacy and an unconscious fear of abandonment. Were you ABUSED as a child, Jody? I suggest you get down on your knees and ask Jesus Christ to forgive you for the above DIATRIBE (sin).

And ask Him (Jesus) to have mercy on your soul. Do you believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross for your sins, Sugah?

The only way to SALVATION is through the saving Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ [John 3: 16]. I love you, Sugah! Do you love me?

I hope you haven't handed your will over to Satan (AA), Sugah? Because if you have, you will end up as just another emotionally shutdown, cowardly, raging, shape - shifting, BILL WILSON ZOMBIE?

I suggest you see a therapist who can help you process your TERROR? You are a frightened "Little Girl", who wants her DADDY (AA). The next time I attend ROSARY, I will pray for your soul. How do you FEEL, “young lady”?


MICKY said...

Danny S Said:
Just attending AA meetings and making observations about a Twelve Step fellowship doesn’t give you any credibility - certainly not enough to comment on the Twelve Steps.

Micky Said;
Greetings Danny
In addition, these twelve steps are a deceitful attack against the saving work of the Lord Jesus Christ (i.e. they are against Christ, antichrist, 2 John 7; Colossians 2:8-10).

Has your brain been completely altered with BUCHMANISM (Satanism), Daniel? Were you ABUSED as a child, LITTLE TERRIFIED DANNY? The only hope for you is, John 3:16? Are you in HELL (AA), Dan?


MICKY said...

By Mark | Related entries in The Fourth Step
From the Fourth Step on page 42 in the 12&12;

“Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn’t be complete human beings. If men and women didn’t exert themselves to be secure in their persons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter, there would be no survival.

If they didn’t reproduce, the earth wouldn’t be populated. If there were no social instinct, if men cared nothing for the society of one another, there would be no society. So these desires - for the sex relation, for material and emotional security, and for companionship - are perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given.”

Normal - a setting on a washing machine……

The preceding paragraph is followed by talk of how we exceed the “proper function” of our instincts as alcoholics. Definitely true in my case - not to be denied. It has changed with sobriety. Thankfully.

Thankfully because today I find myself in a position which feels like I’m about to make use of new found strength to use my instincts correctly. To be secure in my person. To be more than just surviving, financially and emotionally.

I say emotionally because, not without much discussion where necessary, I’m ready to make a life changing decision that hasn’t been easy to arrive at. Out here in the “real” world where I co-exist with my fellow travelers.

There will be a process to go through and time will take time. Yet, I’m ready and willing to trust my God. I’m certain He hasn’t brought me this far to drop me on my head.

[Sorry I have to do this - Micky from Australia, who keeps stalking me through comments that will not get approved in my lifetime - you continue to be reported for spamming this Blog. Plus, with your latest comments you are bordering on libel or defamation of character.

FYI - I know some excellent lawyers familiar with Cyberspace who have arms that reach into Australia. Enough said, other than, if you don’t stop harassing me I will be in contact with b5media’s people and any attorneys that can eventually reach you to put an end to your stupidity. End of the attention you so desperately sought.]

Micky Said:
The above posting is what can happen to one in 12 Step recovery. This dude, Mark, thinks he is a WASHING MACHINE [higher power]. The stuff he is quoting is out of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, written by another MADMAN, Bill Wilson [co – founder of AA].


MICKY said...

Jerry Says:
Hi there, Micky.
I’m sober 23 years. And, yes, I am happy, joyous, and free - much more so, and more frequently, than not.

I wish you and Jesus every happiness and success together (though, unfortunately, your kind of smug, judgmental narrowness is what often gives Christianty, and through that, sadly, Jesus, who had some decent things to say, a bad name). Be well,
Jerry M.

Micky Says:
Greetings Jerry
I felt some sadness reading your comments - can you see how you rage (… your kind of smug, judgmental narrowness is what often gives Christianty, and through that, sadly, Jesus, who had some decent things to say, a bad name) how you “rage” & make me wrong.

I imagine you are so indoctrinated with Buchmanism that you are not aware of how you relate. As I have mentioned in one of my earlier postings - you have a conscious fear of intimacy & an unconscious fear of abandonment.

Your process is not about me but from your childhood. I am trying to help you, Jerry, but I imagine after 23 years of “brainwashing,” only a “spiritual awakening,” will release you from your “psychological prison.” - Hell!!

8Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. [Romans 9: 18] Has you heart hardened, Jerry?


MICKY said...

Jerry Says:
Ah, Micky.
If you weren’t so pernicious, you’d just be silly.
But sadly, your closed mind, frozen spirit, and hard heart make you a menace to those who are vulnerable to this particular kind of madness.
Look: let X = AA, and let Y = your views.

In that equation, I am thrilled, and delighted, and will be eternally grateful, that I have been blessed with X rather than condemned to Y. Since you’re clearly just trolling in waters that are greatly beyond your own depth, I’ll just end this senseless exchange here, let you embarrass yourself (and unfortunatley, truly spiritual Christians everywhere) with whatever final post you wish to make, and then let these healing waters return to calmness.
Be well,
Jerry M.

Micky Says:
Greetings Jerry
Is your fear starting to surface, (I’ll just end this senseless exchange here, let you embarrass yourself ) Jerry? Stay with the fear & feel it - your process is not about me. Can you see how you have a conscious fear of intimacy (I’ll just end this senseless exchange…) & how you want to “run away,” like a terrified “little boy!”

I imagine you are an emotional coward & you have used the 12 Steps to medicate your feelings or (non - feelings). Did you know that Bill Wilson was insane? Are you insane, Jerry? I suggest you get down on your knees & ask Jesus Christ to forgive you for your diatribe (sins).

23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23 (New International Version)


MICKY said...

Mark Says:
Okay Micky - here’s the deal. You are no longer respectful of others and refuse to play nicely, therefore that last comment, being nothing more than further character assassination, has been deleted.
You are not in control here - I am…

Micky Says:
Greetings Mark
How do you feel, “young fella?” I imagine your stomach is churning. I imagine you are feeling some fear, pain & shame - that’s how you felt as a little boy.

You had to shut down emotionally & escape into your head. You are an adult now, Mark, so it is OK to feel your terror.

Have you got anyone to support you? I wish I could be there for you, because obviously your Dad wasn’t!! It would be fine by me, if you decided to have a good cry - feel your grief.

I will continue to pray for you - I imagine you are in quite a lot of pain. Your not going to pick up a drink, are you, Mark? Please don’t!!


MICKY said...

davieboy said...
I have to remind myself that God means 'Good Orderly Direction' or something else I think it ought to be when I hear it sometimes, but, I don't know of another program which could have put my life back on track.

Micky Said:
Greetings Dave
What does ‘Good Orderly Direction,’ mean? Do you know what it sounds like to me David – CONTROL!! You are trying to control your process!!

How does the PROGRAM, work, DAVO? I have never seen any PROGRAM working, what sort of work does the PROGRAM, do? Is that the name of someone in AA/NA [PROGRAM]?

The above DIATRIBE is just meaningless words. You are obviously an emotionally shutdown Atheist who is being controlled by SATAN. If you want to RECOVER, start getting in touch with your feelings!! DAVY! Do you know what a FEELING, is?

I feel some pain because I imagine you are just another Bill Wilson clone. The 12 Steps will eventually send you insane, and you will be just like SATAN [who prowls around waiting for someone to devour].

I’m not criticizing you, Dave!! [Who wants his MOMMY?]. The only hope for you is John 3: 16. How do you FEEL, DAVE?


MICKY said...

"Hey Bob"
Hey, hey BOB, my higher power, will always do
I've waited so long for BOOZE to be through
BOB, I can't wait to meet you
My love, my love

Hey BILL, I've had a BRAINSTORM too
Hey, hey, hey BILL, I want to meet you too
If your PROGRAM is true, if you love AA, BILL!!
The BIG BOOK will always be real
My love, my love

AA means planning a life for two
Being together the whole day through
True SOBRIETY means waiting and hoping that soon
The 12 STEPS will come true
My love, my love


MICKY said...

My Dear Jlordaa,

From Bill's Story:
Co - founder of AA, Bill Wilson's story has been in every edition of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.

With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory.

To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching -- most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.

My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"

That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself.

Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!

Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view. The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me.

For a brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me -- and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been.

At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens.
There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction.

I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid.

It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence.

I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound.

For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as I talked.
Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it.

Anything is better than the way you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences. He knows that they are real. While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me.

Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others. There is no mention of JESUS CHRIST in the BIG BOOK or the 12 STEPS. Wilson was used by SATAN to delude millions of people.
John 3:16 (chapter 3, verse 16 of the Gospel of John) is one of the most widely quoted verses from the Christian Bible.

It has been called the "Bible in a nutshell" because it is considered a summary of some of the most central doctrines of traditional Christianity:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.
A typical interpretation of the verse might go as follows:

For God so loved the world... - God is a God of love and this love motivates his action in the rest of the verse · ...that he gave... - there was God giving something, his son as a sacrifice · ...his only begotten[1] Son... - the human Jesus of Nazareth is also the Son of God, and also the Second Person of the Trinity · ...that whosoever... - that salvation is open to all who will believe
· ...believeth... - being saved is based on belief or faith, rather than based on human works.

· Him... - the belief being in Jesus, the Saviour
· ...should not perish... - implies the fate of those who do not believe, that is the doctrine of hell · ...but have everlasting life. - shows the reward of those who believe, that is the doctrine of heaven.


MICKY said...

Dearest Jlordaa,


Is not the time coming, and the day hastening, when covetous men shall be ashamed of loving the world, and voluptuous men ashamed of loving their pleasures, and ambitious men ashamed of loving their honors?

For is it not a horrid shame, that a rational creature should be such a sot as to love sin which is most loathsome, and not to love Jesus who is most lovely? to love deformity, and not beauty?

Oh shame, shame! It is a shame that sin should have such esteem, and Jesus such great contempt put upon him. But shame shall before long confound these now shameless wretches, when they shall cry out, "We are ashamed that we loved profits, and not Jesus- houses, lands, lusts, and not Jesus.

This is the confusion of our faces, and shame covers us-- that we should be so foolish, and so blind, that we had not sense, nor reason, to distinguish between sin, which is the greatest and most odious evil, and Jesus who is the greatest and most lovely good."

But the time will never come, the day will never be, that a gracious soul shall be ashamed of his sincere love to Jesus Christ.

I love you, Jlordaa! Do
you love Jesus, Jlordaa? He died for your sins!! Do you love, Micky?


2:46 PM  
Blogger Kathy Lynne said...

Geez! You were Mickied! Whatever.

Good list. It could be mine. Every single item and then some. What I have learned is all of our bottoms may be different but once we reach it, it is the same way out. 12 Simple Steps. Some people can't get past step 1. Or fall back down the steps. I have been fortunate. I'm working them and I can see the top. I love my Step meeting and my Big Book meeting where we also discuss the steps. My sponser is always there to answer questions. My biggest problem is finishing Step 4 right now. It's like doing a friggin term paper:) But I know it will only get better once I do. I feel so much better now, I can only imagine what it feel like when I have progressed further.

5:04 PM  
Blogger sojo said...

We drank exactly alike. The day in, day out swearing to never do it again is so familiar to me.

Taking the steps is indescribable. We are so fortunate to have them.

10:10 PM  

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