My drinking spouse

Jenna asked about what it's like for me to have a drinking spouse as I try to get sober. My husband is a "normie": he can take the drink or leave it although he likes Party (with a capital P) when he gets the chance. Mostly, though, he has an occasional beer or two on weekends and that's about it.

What does he think of his recovering spouse? I suppose I should just ask him. I think he definitely approves of the improvement on the home front in the sense that I'm not hungover, angry and irritable all the time (when I wasn't drunk that is). He seems to understand in a way he didn't before that this a permanent change for me. At least he doesn't make suggestions like he used to such as I should just try to cut back or only drink on weekends . He doesn't begrudge the time I spend going to meetings or online and he'll talk about my sobriety experiences with me; he doesn't change the subject immediately like he used to. In fact, I think for the first time, he would be really disturbed if I did pick up a drink. Now I'd have some explaining to do where previously he just kind of shrugged or seemed happy that I was ready to party again.

BUT (there's always a but), I still have a sense that my sobriety is all well and good provided it doesn't interfere with what he wants to do. If he wants us to socialize, I had better be ready to do so even if alcohol will be there. He does make sure I have nonalcoholic drinks and all (and is happy to take me home early if he can return to the party), but the concept of declining an invitation because it might be too much temptation for me is foreign to him. He gets bummed that I don't want to entertain much anymore, because that will involve serving alcohol (he can't conceive of having guests over without serving alcohol--I guess I can't either if they are normies.)

This is probably as good as it's going to get with him. We met because we both were party people and this is a big change for him. He's made progress in that he accepts that I can't drink moderately and that if I start again, I will be back to daily drinking. But he's never going to change his habits for me. The good news there is that he is not a daily drinker or an alcoholic. He does enjoy a good party and will stay until the bitter end with whoever is still partying, but he doesn't need to do that all the time.

I should also note that he is a nice guy, if a bit selfish on certain things. He doesn't want me to suffer; I think he just didn't/doesn't grasp what it is like to have this condition. It's out of his experience. I will say that he has never once made me feel badly that this is how I am, even if he is impatient with the impact on his lifestyle. No recriminations for being an alcoholic.