Master of Fear

Tonight I was asked to chair a Big Book discussion meeting. We read chapter 7 (I think that was the number)--Master of Fear.

I have not been much of a Big Book fan, preferring the practicalities of the Living Sober to the "born again" nature of the Big Book.

But I really liked this reading. And the discussion that followed. The part I really got a lot out of was the growth that the writer described after he put down the drink. He was able to move past his fears and his failures. This gave me so much hope because I believe that one of
the biggest problems my drinking caused for me was an emotional stuntedness and an inability to move forward in my life on nearly any front. I was stuck and I realize now that no growth was possible so long as I was drowning in a river of wine.

I also appreciated the part about not fondling the fun drinking memories. I have a tendency to do that and tomorrow night I will be having dinner with my best friend from high school with whom many of these fun memories occurred. She is also the person I had my last drunk with. I don't know if that was fun; I went into blackout and can't remember. I have pictures and all I see is two drunken middle aged fools. I put down the drink a few days later.

I've told her I don't drink anymore and I expect we will have a discussion about that. She is an alcoholic who has never tried to stop to my knowledge.

Tonight I am grateful for:

waking up hangover free for many days--months--now

for Scout, who sought me out and clued me in that my profile didn't show my blog. I had wondered why some of the bloggers to whom I post comments regularly never visited. I thought they had visited and perhaps didn't care for me. (I'm working on this characteristic of figuring it must be because I'm unlikeable.)

for a kickass meeting and being able to arrive early and having people know me, like me, and even want me to chair

that things at my job went pretty well today

that I have a whole weekend to myself while my husband and kids are off skiing