Sunday, June 26, 2005

Life's surprises

Some friends came to visit this weekend on short notice and gave me a welcome surprise. It turns out that the wife quit drinking three months ago. This was great news as this couple have been hard core drinking buddies over the years for me and my husband and I was reluctant to be around them. She knew I worried about my drinking and I've known she's worried about hers. We've both tried to quit before at different times. This is the first time she's gotten any time together and I've only had one longer period prior to my current 8 weeks.

It ended up being a very nice visit and we had lots to talk about. We both knew that each was worried about her own drinking and last year I even made it through a skiing weekend with them sober, she made it through July 4 at my house sober. We always commented on the other's fortitude. But by October last year we were both drinking heavily again which is the last time we saw each other.

She is now three months sober and I'm just about to hit my two month. We talked of how we came to this point and were amazed we were doing it without the other knowing. (We don't live near each other which is why we only get together occasionally.) Despite being a religious person, she's not comfortable with AA. She thinks it's a choice to drink or not--a matter of consciously choosing not to, not something a higher power does for us. She has been using the Rational Recovery website, knows about the addictive voice.

Our observations of sober life are similar. Both feeling healthy and part of the living. Better with our kids and more patient. Better moods. She is now concerned about her husband and how much he drinks, which she never realized before because she was drinking herself. They've got some issues there. Like my husband does with me, he wants her to be fun and not an alcoholic. Note: Both husbands got hammered last night. We both excused ourselves early to go to bed and read. We were talking this morning and she noted sometimes she felt boring because she was bored after a while when people are drinking and tends to want to excuse herself like we did last night. I knew exactly what she meant. After several hours with people, sober or drunk, the conversation lags. Drinking tended to keep it going artificially. And of course a drunk repeating the same stories three times is not something it's fun to listen to.

In any event, it was a great visit all in all. A very nice surprise for me since I was reluctant to invite them, thinking they would both be drinking. So when my husband told me she had quit I was psyched and curious.


Blogger doughgirl said...

I am so glad that you had a good night. I dont think it makes you boring that you excuse yourself earyl. I think tit just makes you honest. When you've had enough, you've had enough.

No need in pretending what isn't there ya know. Sometimes I think thats when I have this disease on a moral issue. When I feel like I still have to please everyone around me.

I am done though, moral issue or not. I know that I dont have another recovery in me. No matter if I have another drunk in me, I defiantely dont have the recovery.

7:53 AM  
Blogger Phyllis said...

I'm with doughgirl...I don't think I have another recovery in me.
That is great about your friend!
I bet that made you even closer to her.

10:17 PM  
Blogger RJ Adams said...

Hey! I go to Europe for three weeks and return to find you've made giant leaps forward. Paris told me she missed you, Redhead Girl.

12:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have one friend in particular, someone I've known for over 30 years, whose "drinking" company I miss. He was the last person i got drunk with. But that night, he controlled his drinking, and I could not. It was a contrast that I noticed and acted upon. It's hard, being around the old life. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but remember always, steady on, one day at a time, as you said yourself, "It's better sober."

6:26 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Congrats to you and your 2 months.

And congrats to your friend for not picking up. I am somewhat familiar (now) with AVRT, and while I do not agree with its principles, I acknowledge that it can be effective in showing a person hwo to stop drinking. Personally, I want and need much more than to just stop. On my blog, there is a link to BITTER WAITER, an avid AVRT fan. You or your friend may want to check him out.

12:19 PM  

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