Wow, Time flies

I was surprised to see how long it has been since I've made an entry in my blog.

I'm still here and still sober. Things have been a tad emotional lately as my Dad is back in the hospital. He went in for some planned surgery and had a heart attack while he was there. His heart is already so damaged. Apparently, his kidney function is so diminished, fluids are building up in his chest, and a whole host of other things are going wrong. I feel so badly for him. He told the doctor today he doesn't want to be resuscitated if he goes into cardiac arrest. I understand how he feels. He's been very ill since last fall. He's tired of it. He doesn't have a lot of hope of getting better.

My relationship with my Dad hasn't always been a smooth one. He was a difficult, angry man when I was growing up. He mellowed considerably once we kids were grown. I also understand where he was coming from so much better than I could as a kid or a teenager-his family background, his marriage to my Mom. I think he did the best that he could and tried to love us as best as he could.

I love him and I am going to miss him a great deal when he passes on.

Tonight I am grateful for:

many mornings of no hangovers

time I am able to spend with my Dad

that he understands I love him and I understand he loves me

that he remained healthy for so many years (he's 84 now)

that I had an AA meeting to go to tonight after an emotional day and that I don't need to drink over any of this