Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Higher Power?

Why not group of drunks or good orderly direction or a doorknob?

I actually do believe that there is a power greater than me, although I'm not sure that is God. There are lots of powers greater than me--nuclear power, Dick Cheney, Mother Nature...
I just have a hard time believing that any power besides me will keep me sober. I have to do the daily choosing to be sober, no one can do that for me.

Can things outside myself facilitate my making the right choice? Yup. My online support group helps when I waiver. (check out for the website of LifeRing, an alternative sobriety group). Face to face helps if things get really sticky. So does reading recovery blogs on the web.

I read the Big Book and all I can see is evangelism--bringing the message of God to other drunks. I can see where work with others will help one's own sobriety. I can certainly see how a clear self evaluation and work at changing one's faults can help. I can see how serenity helps. I just don't see how God has to fit into all that. I just think if he's out there, he's got bigger fish to fry than to keep me away from a drink. I think he would tell me to get off my arse and quit drinking myself.

I dunno. I wish I could believe. I try, but I just feel silly talking to God every morning.

Friday, November 25, 2005

I'm here, I'm sober

Phyllis' post prompted me to check in. I'm here, I'm sober and I've even been to a few AA meetings because the holidays are a vulnerable time.

I just stopped blogging because I felt a tad vulnerable on the anonymity thing.

I still don't want to do steps and get a sponsor although I am reading the Big Book again. I wish there were a secular organization as widespread as AA. I'd go to face to face meetings all the time then.

Or maybe not. I prefer online support.

Anyway thanks to those who checked in and I'll try to post more often.