Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Name That Tune!

Audience of One (Brian) was playing this game. And I'm totally game too. Try it. Name the tune these lyrics are from. (Some snippets of lyrics on the top 15 that came up on a few shuffles on my Ipod--admittedly, I discounted the tunes belonging to my husband and kids).

1. I'm gonna be your certain silver lining. I'm gonna be your lullabye at night. I'm gonna be your baby all right. Cheryl Wheeler--Silver Lining. If you don't know Cheryl, I highly recommend her.

2. All those sweet dark nights where the warm air sings. We could close our eyes stretching still golden wings. Waiting for the rain to cool us, feeling like a couple of foolish young things. Cheryl Wheeler again--Behind the Barn

3. Send the sunshine down my way whenever you call my name. I know what you mean to say to me, girl, it's all the same. James Taylor--Blossom

4. This morning, I shot six holes in my freezer. I think I got cabin fever. Somebody sound the alarm. Jimmy Buffet--Cabin Fever

5. Now you play the loving woman. I'll play the faithful man. Now just don't look too close into the palm of my hand. Bruce Springsteen--Brilliant Disguise

6. Explain all these controls. Can't sing but I got soul... U2--Elevation

7. We had a falling out like lovers often will. And to think of how she left that night it still brings me a chill. And though our separation, it pierced me to the heart. She still lives inside of me; we've never been apart. Bob Dylan--If You See Her

8. If I could hold you now, just for a moment if I could make you mine, just for a while turn back the hands of time. If I could only hold you now. Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge--Loving Arms

9. After all the foolish things you've put me through, I can always make a start on something new. And I'll always be a man who's open to persuasion. Richard Thompson--Persuasion (If you don't know Richard, you should. He's incredible.)

10. These times are so uncertain. There's a yearning undefined and people filled with rage. Don Henley--Heart of the Matter

11. I am beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head. Because someday you might find you are starving and eat all of the words you just said. Ani DiFranco--32 Flavors

12. Through my burning tears, I saw you walk away. And now you beg me to forgive you? This time, baby, is your turn to pay.... Bonnie Raitt--Ain't Nobody Home

13. Brings her flowers every day. And he phones her every night. Because she's his fancy, she's bound to love him too. And he's proved his feelings, he gets her all he needs. This boy can't understand, though he holds her in his arms, he won't whisper words of love. He thinks it's all right; love can come later.... Joan Armatrading--What A Woman Needs

14. Let me be weak, let me sleep and dream of sheep. Kate Bush--Dream of Sheep

15. He never did marry or see a B grade movie. He graded my performance and said he could see through me. I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper, and I was free.
Indigo Girls--Closer To Fine

No Time To Post It Seems

Between email lists I belong to and checking out the blogs I read I feel like I have very little time left to keep a blog of my own. Plus I still struggle with what to post. It seems I have no internal life to share.

So straight to the externals. Went skiing in Maine this past weekend instead of doing the usual Easter dinner/egg hunt thing. It was awesome. Conditions were perfect; sunshine and great snow. We had a blast. And the kids didn't complain too much about the egg hunt turning into a very tiny one.

Despite the good skiing, I am more than happy to have spring arrive. The snow is getting rained away here and good riddance to it. It has gotten all dirty and gross. I'm starting to see my garden again (I have a large perennial garden) and there seems to be a few green things poking up from the ground; perhaps my bulbs. I also saw crocuses in bloom yesterday on my way to work.

My son makes his first communion this weekend. Hopefully, we will have a nice day for that. I'm not much on organized religion these days, but I am trying to be sure they have the sacraments.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Tuesday morning

It is just about 7 AM and I want to express how glorious it is to wake up without a hangover, to feel refreshed from sleep, and able to get out of bed. To remember the details of the night before and know that there is nothing for you to be embarassed about. My goal is to truly remember this feeling at my weakest times, after work starting around Wednesday night. It is just so much better not to drink.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Still around

I'm here. thanks for those who keep checking.

Went to a very good dear friend's 50th birthday party last night. Caught up with people I haven't seen in years. These were pretty aggressive drinking/drugging people back when we were in our 20s. Now, 20 years later we are much more mellow although there were plenty of drunks around. The people we have lost were in our minds: drugs, colon cancer, car accidents.
Such fun came at a price. But it was nice to see our more responsible selves out last night.

Monday, March 14, 2005

blogger lost my last post!

Too late to recreate it. Does this happen often?

Checking In

Had a lovely weekend all to myself as I sent my husband off skiing with the kids. I read and started the South Beach diet. I drank Pellegrino water and watched "Leaving Las Vegas". Very sad, depressing movie, but wonderfully acted. I visited my elderly parents, and got to go to my niece's school play unexpectedly. She attends the high school that I went to and it was in the same auditorium where my drama club productions were held. Same stage, same seats, more than 25 years later. It really brought back memories. Plus, the kids did an excellent job.

Have been on South Beach diet since Saturday. We'll see if I can stick to it better than I was doing with Weight Watchers. Have to do something to fit into hideous bridesmaid dress.

Oh, and my brother called tonight to tell me he and his wife are expecting a child in October. Their only child will just have started college at that time. Never thought they were having another and apparently they didn't either. But they are thrilled-it apparently had not been a choice of theirs to have only one child. (I never wanted to pry.)

I'm very psyched to have a new baby and new brother in law in the family in the same year. Maybe my sister will get pregnant right away.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Sober Saturday Night

This is the first time I have stayed sober on a Saturday night in ages. No wine in the house. I watched Leaving Las Vegas tonight and that was pretty reinforcing. A depressing movie, however.

Started the South Beach diet today and I've got a bit of a headache. Is that carb withdrawal or alcohol withdrawal or both?

It's snowing again here in MA. I'm am very very very tired of snow. I haven't seen the ground in my yard all winter.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

wedding stuff

I'm too old for this. My sister is getting married rather late in life. She never was religious and she never was it seemed all that interested in getting married, even though she had many opportunities. Now she's in full out bridal mode at age 39. Dresses that are, um, a bit juvenile for the mature matron of honor, um, me the older sister. Getting religion all of a sudden so that poor fiancee has to go to confirmation classes.

Fortunately, I'm way too heavy for the dresses she shipped to me. We go out Saturday (weather willing) to shop for something more appropriate for the matron of honor whose been married umpteen years and has no stomach muscles left after bearing three 8.5 pound plus children in a five year period.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


One of the reasons I'm having a hard time getting back to AA is my utter loathing for religion. No matter what I hear, I've read the Big Book and this is a religion.

I was brought up a Roman Catholic and I live in the Boston area. I've been a cafeteria Catholic for as long as I remember. I like "Do unto others..." and I totally disagree with the church's teachings on birth control, abortion, and gay rights. Nonetheless, being from MA, where all the Catholics I know agree with me, I still could go to church and agree to disagree with the Pope. Then came Cardinal Law and the sex abuse scandal.

I have no respect left for the institution. I stopped going after about 6 months into how obvious it was the Law protected abusive priests at the expense of children. I thought about returning and then Law was given a cushy job in Italy by the Pope. Enough was enough.

Nonetheless, I've wanted to have my children get the sacraments and my son will make his First Communion in a few weeks. I had to go to a meeting about it tonight. They make you go to get your instructional folder--identical folders but with your child's name on it. It's like roll call, they can see whether you showed up for the meeting. It's the only reason I needed to go as the Communion ceremony hasn't changed one iota since my other two children were in it. I resent having to show up for it.

But I'm conflicted as to whether I even want my son to receive the sacrament anymore. Yet another priest is put on administrative leave here in MA today. More allegations in SC.

I'm very disturbed by all of it. And I'm not sure what to do. And the kids know that we don't go to church and I think are aware that we are just going through the motions. I dunno. Is it better to just let them drop out now and if they want religion when they are older, sign up then?

Oh and religious fundamentalism of the kind that supports
GWB really frosts me. It has alienated me even further from the Catholic church (which, despite the pedophile scandal is about to start an ad campaign against stem cell research. The nerve! The shamelessness of it all!)

Monday, March 07, 2005

Mundane Monday

I am sober today and that is a good thing.

Otherwise, I'm kind of dragging and actually can't believe I'm still awake. Last night my husband was a snoring machine and I tossed and turned in the wee hours trying to sleep in spite of it. Then, I remembered some ear plugs I had tucked away. Worked like a charm so I will use them again tonight.

Got a workout in on my treadmill while watching American Idol with my kids. (Go Bo!) Made some vegetarian matzoh ball soup. Not bad. I'm not Jewish and had never had it before. Of course, I don't have anything to compare it to for that reason.

Anyway, off to bed.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Catching My Breath

It's been so busy lately; I feel like I can't keep up with anything.

Today, we celebrated my youngest son's 8th birthday with a skating party. It turned out to be a blast.

I have to admit I felt guilty about everything nonetheless. The skating rink was way further from where we lived than I had anticipated (let my husband plan the location and well,...). Some kids couldn't skate very well. They ended up fine and got a little better as a result. But I still felt like we should have been somewhere easier.

My son had a great time and told me several times (spontaneously) that he had fun. And I'm glad and it's great. However, I'm glad we will soon be done with parties.

And I feel guilty because my kids get birthday parties every year. Until they are 10. I never did growing up but we've been sucked into this where we live. I wish it could go back to just cake and ice cream and pin the tail on the donkey. I feel guilty about the kids whose parents can't afford to do the party thing.

I feel guilty about a lot of stuff, actually.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Be Patient With Me

Thanks for all your posts. I've been on vacation last week. I'm also trying to figure out what I will do/want to do with this blog. I'm reading all of yours. I plan to post more regularly.