Things are going pretty well. Life sober is
better than life drunk though not trouble free by any stretch. I can't believe
it'll be six months in just ten days.
Last night I had a drinking dream and, although I'm usually a pretty lucid
dreamer, I struggled with trying to figure out whether this was happening in
real life or was it a dream. In the dream, I found myself at some kind of
gathering with a Budweiser in my hand. When I realized it, I struggled between
horror at the thought of losing my sober time--specifically having to count day
1 again--and the feeling of f*** it, who's going to know? It was like a devil
vs. angel struggle in my head. Then the lucid me started panicking, trying to
figure out whether I was dreaming or not. I awoke and had a great sense of
relief that it had been only a dream. I mean a real, deep down, to the bone
sense of relief.
Beer was never much my poison of choice, but I figure this must have stemmed
from a work gathering I attended on Wednesday night. On the spur of the moment, I ordered an
O'Douls. It was only okay tasting--my cranberry and ginger ale is much
tastier--but I didn't like the feeling I had standing there holding the glass of
what looked like beer and I swear I felt like I got a little tiny buzz from it.
My husband says there's not enough residual alcohol for that; that I must have
imagined it, but I really didn't like the feeling--I felt like my equilibrium
had been upset just a tad--and I won't be doing that again.
Which is all to say, that I really think sobriety is becoming a way of life with
me. Me? Uncomfortable holding a drink that looks like alcohol? Not liking the
feeling of my chemical balance being thrown off by alcohol? Huh??
It's all good. I wish I could say that about other areas of my life (job and
child issues going on at the moment) but overall my life has improved a lot
since I put down that drink finally last August.
Today I am grateful for:
Many days of hangover free mornings
The SNL short clip "Dick In A Box" that made me howl
Taking my mother grocery shopping today (being able to help out when I can)
The ability to sleep in on weekends