Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Six Months Today

It is hard to believe that today is six months sober for me. Half a year. I never made it this far before and I expect that I will continue on the sober path, one day a time.

Today I am grateful for:

Many many mornings with out a hangover

The support I get through AA and my online secular recovery group

That I received the strength to go to AA, as it seems to have been the thing that made a difference from all my previous efforts.

That the depression I've had for so long seems to be lifting

That I know I can make it through anything sober now


Saturday, February 10, 2007

Weekend Update

Things are going pretty well. Life sober is
better than life drunk though not trouble free by any stretch. I can't believe
it'll be six months in just ten days.

Last night I had a drinking dream and, although I'm usually a pretty lucid
dreamer, I struggled with trying to figure out whether this was happening in
real life or was it a dream. In the dream, I found myself at some kind of
gathering with a Budweiser in my hand. When I realized it, I struggled between
horror at the thought of losing my sober time--specifically having to count day
1 again--and the feeling of f*** it, who's going to know? It was like a devil
vs. angel struggle in my head. Then the lucid me started panicking, trying to
figure out whether I was dreaming or not. I awoke and had a great sense of
relief that it had been only a dream. I mean a real, deep down, to the bone
sense of relief.

Beer was never much my poison of choice, but I figure this must have stemmed
from a work gathering I attended on Wednesday night. On the spur of the moment, I ordered an
O'Douls. It was only okay tasting--my cranberry and ginger ale is much
tastier--but I didn't like the feeling I had standing there holding the glass of
what looked like beer and I swear I felt like I got a little tiny buzz from it.
My husband says there's not enough residual alcohol for that; that I must have
imagined it, but I really didn't like the feeling--I felt like my equilibrium
had been upset just a tad--and I won't be doing that again.

Which is all to say, that I really think sobriety is becoming a way of life with
me. Me? Uncomfortable holding a drink that looks like alcohol? Not liking the
feeling of my chemical balance being thrown off by alcohol? Huh??

It's all good. I wish I could say that about other areas of my life (job and
child issues going on at the moment) but overall my life has improved a lot
since I put down that drink finally last August.

Today I am grateful for:

Many days of hangover free mornings

The SNL short clip "Dick In A Box" that made me howl

Taking my mother grocery shopping today (being able to help out when I can)

The ability to sleep in on weekends

Sunday, February 04, 2007

I'm still around

Life has been kind of normal lately and I haven't had much to post.

Today I did ask Karen to be my sponsor and she agreed, although she told me she had been a lousy sponsee herself. My guess is that will be true for me. It felt like I was asking someone to the prom; I felt kind of stupid.

Anyway, we agreed I would call her every day around 5 PM to check in. This is a start anyway.

What else should I expect from a sponsor, folks?

Today I am grateful for:

Many mornings without a hangover and many days without a drinking urge

That Karen readily agreed to sponsor me

That my Dad is home from the hospital today and seems to be better

That my brothers and sister who live closer to my parents than I do are so supportive of them and don't seem to hold anything against me

That we finally have a diagnosis for some of my son's issues (sensory processing disorder) and can hopefully give him the help he needs to overcome some delays he's experienced

For blackberry chocolate chip ice cream

For candles, football games, fireplaces and chinese food.