Thursday, April 14, 2005

Off on a Trip

I haven't filed those CCD registrations yet, but mostly that's because I'm going to Europe next week. My first time to Paris and I've wanted to go for years. (Lots of Catholic School french with the Sisters of Notre Dame). Anyway, trying to get us squared away for a week overseas and empty my plate at work so I can leave for a week doesn't leave much time to post or follow my regular blogs (which I will someday establish links to).

I decided that when I get back from Paris, I will start the Antabuse. I really need to get a date to commit to and I feared eating in Paris (I'm assuming liberal use of wine in cooking) if I'm on it. But I realize it's an out as well. I don't want to go to France and not drink wine; it's true. I guess that' s the part of me still struggling to be a normal drinker. So nothing I can say will negate the fact that I expect I will drink wine (funny, beer and hard liquor are not an issue at all--I could be in a room full and never touch it.) I could even say I'll try hard not to, but I know I won't . The saving grace is that I will be wanting to see the sights and not sit in cafes all day. I've always saved my real buzz for the night anyway.

Yuck, I hate all of this post. Anyway, it is my plan.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

wow, I'm overwhelmed

All of the responses touched me. Kathy, I particularly appreciate your viewpoint, because it's one I haven't imagined or experienced. Thank you so much for taking time to write to me.

All of you gave me much food for thought. It's hard to teach children spirituality when I can't find my own way. Funny though, I am comforted when I am in church and not just during Mass. If I am in the building I feel a peace like I find nowhere else. But I don't know how to tranlate that into every day connection with God or higher power or whomever. And I certainly don't know how to transfer it to my kids, though I've explained how I feel.

CCD is back on the table for me. I feel that I cannot decide on my own that the kids shouldn't have a religious education. I like the idea (thanks, Trinker) of having an honest discussion with them about what my views are. They know some of them since they read the Boston papers along side of me and know about the situation in Boston diocese. But I think it is worth talking about more and letting them know that while I'm ambivalent, I can't rule it out. I think particularly it would be good to let them know how I feel myself when I'm in church; like I've found a connection although not thru the words, or the man on the altar.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

religion or not?

My son just made first communion. The day the Pope died, in fact. (Does that make it extra-special?) I hate to admit that my other son made his fourth or fifth communion that day because in the 2 years between them I've hardly been able to bring myself to go to church.

I live in MA. Our Cardinal Law lied, lied, lied about abusive priests--he transferred them here and there to avoid problems. This is documented. Many escaped punishment. Law himself will help elect the next Pope. No one really cared. Then the church immediately gave us their views on stem cell research, Terri Schiavo, gay marriage... not from a position of auth0rity.

The God I believe in is not a hypocrite.

So the big question tonight is whether we enroll the kids for another year in CCD. They don't go to church.
They hate CCD.
They know Mom is conflicted.

But part of me says "Just get them through Confirmation."

It's time to enroll them and now my husband says forget it. I don't k now what is right. Should I allow my disillusionment to govern my children's exposure and having the sacraments?


Sunday, April 03, 2005

Reading lists

Brian at Audience of One (wish I knew how to link) offered up this quiz and here are my answers.

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

It's been a while since I read either, but I think I would choose AynRand, "Atlas Shrugged" or the "Fountainhead." Or Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay "Self-Reliance." Each of these had something important to say and worth keeping for a society.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

oh my yes. Rhett Butler in "Gone With The Wind", Gilbert Blythe in "Anne of Green Gables"....there are others.

The last book you bought is:

I just used my Borders gift cards from Christmas on "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini; "John Adams" by David McCullough; "South Beach Diet" and "South Beach Diet Cookbook." I buy books way too often.

The last book you read:

I've started several, but keep getting distracted. Actually, the last book I read was "Alcoholics Anonymous" or the Big Book as it's called.

What are you currently reading:

"Running with Scissors" by Augusten Burroughs

Five books you would take to a Desert Island and why:

Anne of Green Gables, by Lucy Maude Montgomery (the whole series), because I have loved them since childhood and they go everywhere with me (I'm red head gal, after all.)

Shelby Foot's History of the Civil War series because I've been meaning to read them for a very long time.

The 9/11 Commission Report because I've wanted to read that since it came out as well.

John Steinbeck's "East of Eden" because it is such a great read.

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban by JK Rowling. I'm a big Harry fan and this one's the best so far.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

Just my blog buddies.

Answers are in the Name That Tune Post

I guess I like obscure folk singers looking over my list. No Duran Duran, Faith, but my husband saw them in concert on Friday night. He was disappointed, said it should have been called the "Pay the Mortgage" tour. Can't go back again, I guess.

Music and my addiction are intertwined, I'm afraid. I tend to listen to music when I drink--especially sad music. I think it lets me reach some sadness inside myself that I am afraid to reach when sober, or maybe I can't reach. Dunno...

I've got a prescription for Antabuse from my doctor. Been mostly staring at it; not sure I want to take it. I am extremely ambivalent at this point in the journey.