Sunday, June 26, 2005

Life's surprises

Some friends came to visit this weekend on short notice and gave me a welcome surprise. It turns out that the wife quit drinking three months ago. This was great news as this couple have been hard core drinking buddies over the years for me and my husband and I was reluctant to be around them. She knew I worried about my drinking and I've known she's worried about hers. We've both tried to quit before at different times. This is the first time she's gotten any time together and I've only had one longer period prior to my current 8 weeks.

It ended up being a very nice visit and we had lots to talk about. We both knew that each was worried about her own drinking and last year I even made it through a skiing weekend with them sober, she made it through July 4 at my house sober. We always commented on the other's fortitude. But by October last year we were both drinking heavily again which is the last time we saw each other.

She is now three months sober and I'm just about to hit my two month. We talked of how we came to this point and were amazed we were doing it without the other knowing. (We don't live near each other which is why we only get together occasionally.) Despite being a religious person, she's not comfortable with AA. She thinks it's a choice to drink or not--a matter of consciously choosing not to, not something a higher power does for us. She has been using the Rational Recovery website, knows about the addictive voice.

Our observations of sober life are similar. Both feeling healthy and part of the living. Better with our kids and more patient. Better moods. She is now concerned about her husband and how much he drinks, which she never realized before because she was drinking herself. They've got some issues there. Like my husband does with me, he wants her to be fun and not an alcoholic. Note: Both husbands got hammered last night. We both excused ourselves early to go to bed and read. We were talking this morning and she noted sometimes she felt boring because she was bored after a while when people are drinking and tends to want to excuse herself like we did last night. I knew exactly what she meant. After several hours with people, sober or drunk, the conversation lags. Drinking tended to keep it going artificially. And of course a drunk repeating the same stories three times is not something it's fun to listen to.

In any event, it was a great visit all in all. A very nice surprise for me since I was reluctant to invite them, thinking they would both be drinking. So when my husband told me she had quit I was psyched and curious.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Sober is better

I came to the realization today that sober really is better. I feel better physically, I'm happier (probably because I'm not negating my anti-depressants anymore in a booze bath) and generally I feel good. The cravings have pretty much abated, even the twinges. Of course, the addictive self likes to whisper that perhaps I'm not REALLY an alcoholic after all then. I tell him it doesn't matter because not drinking is just generally very good for me.

I also celebrated my birthday this week, my first sober one (a belly button birthday). That was pretty cool, not poisoning myself.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Life is good

Today I'm sober and happy. My family held its annual Father's Day/birthday (three of us have a birthday this week) bash bbq. It is NOT a drunkfest though. Just a pleasant cookout where we all bring too much food and let the guys grill it. Then we have cake (And lots of it. We had THREE cakes this year--food planning was bit off). We pass around greeting cards to each other (we've tailed off on the gift giving over the years). Hallmark stock goes up about now, since we all try to outdo each other with the funniest greeting card.

The kids played football in the yard, we all chatted quite a bit about my sister's wedding next month, we watched a dvd of snapshots from her shower that my brother cleverly set to music, and we had fun trying to take a group photo with cameras set on timers so we could all be in it. There is one hilarious shot with my brother's backside as he dives into the photo. And I enjoyed every bit without any urge to drink at all. My family has pretty much accepted my not drinking and I made it clear that I would not be drinking at the wedding. No one has a problem with that and no one is pressing us to get a hotel room that night rather than drive home. I guess they believe me.

Seven weeks sober today.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


It's hard to find time to blog. How do you folks do it?

I'm still on track, day 46. Still taking Antabuse. Have some slippery thoughts occasionally, like today when I rsvp'd the summer outing. There will be drinking and I'd rather not go but this is a new job for me and I need to network a bit. My addictive self immediately told me I'll be more likable and fun if I have a few drinks so go off the Antabuse NOW! Fortunately, I'm able to laugh at the addictive voice. Stop taking the drug today so I can drink in two weeks? Nah, seems dumb.

Phyllis, I haven't made it to a meeting yet. I haven't really found a need to. I'm keeping close with my online recovery group and that seems to be doing the trick. I haven't really missed drinking in the last week or so. I resent the time I have to devote to going out to meetings and I am not very religious. I haven't rule it out as I know so many people get a lot out of meetings.

Other than trucking along staying sober, not much going on. End of school year activities like band concert (daughter did an awesome trumpet solo) and honors night (math award for daughter--she's the bomb at 12 and I'm so proud of her). Waiting for some more warm weather to come back to New England.

My birthday is Monday and with Father's day and some other family birthdays happening this month, we will have a celebration for it all on Sunday. (Shameless about getting birthday wishes am I, posting it on my blog.) I'm not worried about drinking. I've told my family that I quit.

Besides the Antabuse, the biggest change I've made this time around is telling people I have quit. Some people are shocked; all are supportive. Frankly, not a lot of people seem to care what's in my glass.

Anyway, I hope I will have a more interesting post soon.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I'm here! I'm here!

Just haven't had any time to post lately. Or keep up with my regular blogs. I hope everyone is doing well. I'm fine; still sober (day 44). Enjoying some warm weather in New England for a change. I will try to catch up tonight. Thanks for asking, DG!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Dreaded Event

Well, I geared up for the worst and it turned out okay after all. This weekend was my sister's bridal shower. She always wanted a coed shower her best friend and my fellow bridesmaid (despite my objections, but that's another story) arranged what essentially was a keg party with over a hundred invited. Plus, it was scheduled to be an 8 hour event (longer than the wedding).

I prepared myself all week with how I was going to get through it without drinking. I made sure there were tons of soft drinks, focused on taking pictures and hanging out with non-drinkers. I also sought and received a lot of support from my online recovery group. And of course I took the Antabuse.

The party lasted a long time and there were a LOT of people there. But the drunkfest I dreaded never really happened. Yes, a lot of beer was drank but over the course of a long afternoon and evening. But there were only three real drunks, everyone else was pretty mellow. We went through a LOT of soft drinks--I had made sure we had boatloads and people seemed to choose those quite often, in the end there was none left.

On the whole, it was a successful event, although not one I want to repeat. My sister and her fiancee were surprised and delighted. I've proved to myself that you can dance and also sing karaoke (um, yeah, I did, but not well) and have fun conversations with out drinking. I caught up with a bunch of cousins I haven't seen since my own wedding years ago. It was unexpectedly fun, although I could have done with a much shorter day.

My 18 year old nephew commented jokingly to me "Auntie, I guess Uncle is going to be the family drunkard now." While he was teasing me, there was a recognizable grain of truth in the comment, although my brother won't be replacing me; he was just a bit of a dancing fool last night. And I did have a more indepth conversation with my sister and brother about my reasons for not drinking anymore.

Did I crave alcohol at any point? I would be a liar if I said that a cold beer on a hot afternoon did not call to me or that a glass of wine crossed my mind. But I put it out of my mind and went and talked to people. I notice I am a way better listener without drinking too. I can focus on the conversation.

Sober, I was able to help my sister with the ridiculous amount of presents she received (!!!) (she was pretty taken aback). I drove home safely. I woke up early with no hangover. I went to the beach for a few hours with my kids and their cousins, then we caught about half of the baseball game we were planning to attend. Came home, took a dip in the pool and enjoyed my garden. Cooked a spaghetti dinner.

And you know what??? Life is good.