Saturday gratitude

Today I am grateful for:

waking up without a hangover this AM

Lounging on the deck with coffee and the newspaper

A trip to the garden center with my daughter

A visit with my parents. I took my mother grocery shopping and then both of them out to dinner.
It was a nice time.

For time to myself while the kids and hubby are off at a Red Sox game.

That my urges to drink again have subsided once more

what's up?

Not much. Except that I cut back on the Antabuse and have been having more drinking thoughts of the "summer's here, a little rum punch is in order" type. I hate that addictive self, always looking for an opening. It's nice that I am able to remind it that I had a lovely time without alcohol in the Caribbean, thank you very much, so there's no reason to poison myself just because summer is here. Summer will be far more enjoyable without falling into the alcohol trap again. Anyway, I decided to take the Antabuse twice a week to keep me on the straight and narrow just in case.

Today I am grateful for:

waking up hangover free

my garden and the new planters I had built into my deck, now filled to the brim with gorgeous annuals

some sunny weather (thank goodness!)

feta cheese, chicken, and roasted red peppers (yummy dinner last night)

for the upcoming long weekend

Not very talkative lately

Just posting to say Hi. I don't have a lot going on except rain, rain, rain and more rain. I've been feeling kind of flat and sleepy for a week and I think it has something to do with the weather. I've also been thinking the Antabuse isn't sitting right with me. I'm feeling kind of queasy and dizzy on and off. So I'm thinking I will cut back to one or two pills a week.

I'm not sure that I need the Antabuse much anymore. When a drinking thought enters my mind, I'm surprised how quickly I reject it. It's like some corner has been turned. However, it's still not much time since my last drink--not even 90 days--although not early in my recovery (been on this journey well over six years). So I don't want to get complacent and think I won't drink ever again because my addictive self is a sneaky little bastard.

Today I'm grateful for:

waking up without a hangover

my garden getting nice and green from all the rain (hey, I'm trying to look on the bright side here)

morning coffee...sometimes I start looking forward to it at bedtime

a wonderful mother's day with mom and my siblings and extended family

my 9 year old son who was the first to wish me happy mother's day and couldn't wait until Sunday to give me his home made card. He gave it to me on Saturday.

A Sober Vacation

The Carribbean was beautiful and I enjoyed every minute of it. And I know I enjoyed it more because of sobriety, not less. It made a real difference in the time I had. It was one of the first vacations I've had where I wasn't looking forward to the end and to getting back to my usual routines (after a week of excess). I was stress free, totally relaxed, I felt just great all over. I ate healthy and for the first time met my goal of taking long walks on the beach every day. The past four summer vacations, I was too hungover or groggy to fulfill that ambition.

The place that we stayed at was a smallish, very beautiful resort. We had a first floor condo that opened to a beautiful garden with several pools and swimming canals connecting them (the kids loved that), and lounge chairs spaced strategically for privacy and relaxation. The ocean (warm, crystal clear blue water--we work our butts off to get our pool to look like this every summer) was a couple of hundred years away, past a small open air restaurant. The resort had lounge chairs, tiki huts, Hobie cats, snorkels, kayaks etc. to entertain us. I tried parasailing (fun!) with my son and snorkeled quite a bit (beautiful reefs, fish, etc) as well as conch diving (ate what we caught for lunch).

The restaurant had a bar but there was not a lot of drinking going on at this resort. I don't think I ever saw more than two or three people at the bar at a time. Nor were there any loud late nights that I could hear. I don't know whether this was because it was school vacation week (lots of families) or because the resort was just not that kind of place but it was absolutely great for me!

Even my husband was well behaved--he had rum drinks and beer but not a lot by any stretch. He didn't get drunk and never suggested hanging out at the bar or letting my daughter babysit so we could go out. We also went on a snorkeling excursion with 12 other people and the guides were trying to have the guests finish off the rum punch they had brought. They were not successful.

I'd say the only twinge I had at all was when I was coming off the beach at sunset (I stayed on the beach and swam or read or walked until sunset just about every night we were there), there was a woman coming on to the beach to watch the remains of the day with a glass of white wine in her hand. It was a quickly dismissed twinge though.

All in all it was better than I dreamed of and alcohol would not have improved the experience one iota.

But it's back to reality now and has been for a couple of weeks. I hope I can go again next year!

60 Days Today

It feels great, but it feels like it should be longer. It seems like a long time since I have had a drink or even really wanted one.

I've been playing catchup with my online recovery group ever since I came back from vacation, but will post about the vacation soon. It was my first sober vacation and it was fabulous.

Shwabee, feel free to print and use whatever is helpful in this blog with your group. Thanks for asking.