Update

I wanted to post a little bit about the whirl of events this past weekend and haven't gotten to it yet. The biggest event was my sister's wedding. I stayed sober through them all, although it wasn't always easy.

First there was the rehearsal dinner. It was actually easy not to drink at this one at least at first because service was so bad that no one could get a drink. However, after the dinner, everyone hung out at the bar. I was okay with that for the most part, until I found out some of my family members were betting on having me drinking at the reception. I'm actually glad I found out about that as it steeled my resolve at a point where I was feeling a bit glum--I was ready to leave the restaurant but had to wait for my ride. Lesson #1--take your own car.

Then there was the wedding. I was in the bridal party and we started the day with salon treatments (pedicure, manicure, makeup, hair--I deserve it!!) One of the bridesmaids brought champagne and oj, but I was able to avoid any temptation at that point since I like to drink coffee in the AM. At my mother's house, there was a luncheon and bar setup. I confess I was starting to feel antsy. I concentrated on drinking lots of water ( it was in the 90s) and helping the nervous bride. She looked amazing when she was ready!!

The ceremony was beautiful and went without a hitch although being a Catholic ceremony, it was a long one. I passed on the holy wine, lol. (Is there no place that is safe for the determinedly sober at a wedding???)

The reception was a bit of a struggle. There was wine on the table, champagne in front of me. I had the waiter take it away after I raised the glass to the happy couple.
I mingled with guests but found that my chit chat skills were a bit lacking without the lubrication of wine, so I sat with my mother quite a bit. However, I did discover much to my happiness that I CAN dance sober. I was a little worried about that as I love to dance. Once I figured that out, the remainder of the reception was a breeze. I just stayed on the dance floor and danced with anyone who would have me. I suspect there were a few people there who thought I must be drinking.

The next day, we had another family party to attend. This one was also a bit boozey. I couldn't believe the amount of wine and beer there was for a luncheon event. Fortunately, my husband's cousin was there with her new baby and was happy to have me tend the baby and give her an hour or so to mingle. There was a lot of commentary about my not drinking at this event (it was my husband's family). One of the cousins pulled me aside several times to voice her own concerns about her drinking (health effects) and ask me how I find sober life. She told me her uncle had quit drinking and found everything to be boring and no one to be interesting anymore and she's afraid that would happen to her if she quit. I observed that it can be like that at times but it gets better the more you get used to it. I'm not sure she believed me as she proceeded to make a nice dent in the wine supply.

Wednesday

Today, I am really really grateful to have a pool. I wish I had central air as well! We are having a heat wave in the Boston area. Can't complain though since I swore I wouldn't after the hellish winter we experienced. And we never had spring.

This weekend, my sister is getting married. I am in the bridal party, so I will be at the rehearsal dinner and of course the wedding and the reception. I'm a little fearful of whether I will enjoy myself or not. I have always loved weddings-- I love to dance and have a good time. I wonder if the wedding will be as much fun without drinking? I've had people who have asked me whether I'm really not going to drink at the wedding, like they can't fathom anyone's doing that.

I'm trying to keep my focus on everything but the drinking. My sister's joy, the food, seeing family members I never see except at weddings and funerals. How good it will be that I won't be in an impatient hurry to get to the bar during the formal pictures. How good it will be to wake up the next day and not be hungover.

My kids are also going to be at the wedding. They are pretty excited about it although they don't want to have to dress up. They were unhappy when I laid down the law on the clothing. lol

I am a lousy blogger

I am a lousy blogger. I don't keep up enough to make it interesting or worth anyone's while to check in on me. But for those of you who do check, I'm here and I'm still sober. I'm losing count a bit, I think it's 78 days now. I am still feeling great. I do have to be careful of cravings still. Like when I passed an outdoor cafe on my way home from work on Friday. The white wine being served look so cool, crisp and elegant. Or even if I'm leafing through a Crate and Barrel catalogue, the bar ware can make me crave.

I've enjoyed reading some of the gratitude lists I see on the blogs I read, particulary JJ's and Scott's. I thought I might try to do something like that. Today, I am grateful for having pushed myself to get up at 6 AM and hop on my treadmill. I felt great afterwards. I'm also grateful for summer mornings and a pool to jump into after my workout to cool off. And I'm grateful for hot coffee in the garden while everyone is still sleeping.

To JJ

Don't worry about me, JJ. I'm fine, still sober. Just haven't had much to say. After my loose ends feeling on Friday, I had a delightful weekend. Summer is my season.

I've been enjoying your gratitude posts but for some reason I could not leave comments on your blog last time I was there.

I wish I had more time to blog and more things to say. Maybe I will start posting my gratitude stuff. I'm certainly grateful to be sober. It was a nice gift to myself.

Loose Ends

I've been feeling kind of jittery and at loose ends the last few nights. I don't know if it is related to abstinence from alcohol or not. It doesn't feel like I'm craving a drink. I'm fine when I'm at work and can focus on the task at hand. But when I'm home, I have no focus, I want to be alone (hard to do in a family of five) and I'm not sure what to do with myself.

I let another old drinking buddy know that I quit. She wanted to know if I maintain a dry house. Guess she's worried about her supply when she comes to dinner on Sunday. I don't; my husband has an occasional drink. I am trying to keep my poison of choice out though, wine. So she has to bring her own. I'm sure I'll get lots of questions about it.

I'm thinking I might go to an AA meeting tomorrow to see if that shores me up a bit.

Happy Fourth of July

Yesterday was my two month sober mark. Today was my first sober Fourth of July since I was pregnant with my middle child 11 years ago. Spent the weekend at the beach and it was a gorgeous beach weekend here in New England. Let more people in on my not drinking anymore. Didn't have any cravings except one wistful moment for a margarita at a BBQ we attended that I easily brushed away. (Antabuse makes any such craving futile anyway.) Feel great; feel happy; feel strong in sobriety right now.